Archive | Random

Who Dis?

My excuses are longer than a porn star’s manhood. My slack is stronger than a pre-castrated bull. And my waistline’s girth and body weight are that of a Mart-Cart fatty with a basket full of Ding Dongs and Mountain Dew.

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Being a Gimp

When I say “gimp” I am not referring to how I feel due to the laundry list of health issues I have that include: shit hearing in one ear, tendonitis in my right elbow, worsening arthritis in my left thumb joint, edema in my legs, degenerative arthritis in my lower back, a history of DVTs in my legs, plantar fasciitis in my left heel, ongoing depression, and 50+ pounds of weight gain.

I’m of course referring to being the Shop Gimp.

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Dealing With Black Dogs

I’ve never been a great writer, but enjoy writing; thus, the continued publication of this blog. Sorry?

However, in the past couple of months, my posts have become more subpar than usual. One of the major factors has been the appearance of Lola (the dog) in my life. I love her, but she’s a puppy and puppies need near constant attention lest ye have your living room shat upon and chewed to bits. Every week she gets a little better, but finding moments of peace to sit down and write can be difficult when home alone.

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The Spring of My Discontent

The thing about a Michigan spring is that there is no Michigan spring. Sure, it doesn’t snow as much, but steady rain and 39˚ does not make a spring, nor do sunny skies, 40˚ temps with 30 MPH winds to make it feel like it’s 25˚.

A 60˚ day of pleasure will be offered forth from the raised robes of Ma Nature on occasion, but for the most part, we just freeze our tits off nine months out of the year and roast our balls/lady bits off the other 3. I don’t know why I bother typing any of this, it is what it is, and I can do nothing but do what I do: pack on another layer of blubber, never put away my collection of flannel shirts, and buy another 12 pack of IPA to drink as I sit and wait for the brief respite of summer.

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