For the past couple of weeks, winter has slowly been poking its frozen nose into mid-Michigan. Thankfully, there has been no long-term success. Successful or not, the past week was gray, cold and windy. Christ, I literally hadn’t seen the sun since late last Tuesday afternoon and it was so windy Friday that riding was made impossible, with winds gusting anywhere from 10 to 50+ MPH at times! I am pretty sure I saw a small child blow by the kitchen window at one point.
For the most part, the week was real warm bath and razor blade type weather, and the two days I was able to ride, it took every ounce of mental will power I had to force my jiggling muffin top out the door for a ride. It’s not that conditions were THAT bad, it’s that I am that mentally weak and apathetic.
Thankfully the week’s super strong winds and dark clouds finally blew themselves out of the Mt. Peezy area and I woke up giddy and tingly in the nipple and crotchial regions on Saturday morning upon seeing sunlight. That tingling quickly dissipated upon noticing that it was like 27˚ outside, but thankfully returned as the temperatures warmed up to a Michigan summer-like 40˚ at ride time.
As I’ve blathered on and on and on and on about the past week or so, I have been having a bit of fun riding dirt and gravel roads on my Farley (I have NO idea why). I would most definitely go faster and further with less effort if I DIDN’T ride it, but I would also most definitely go faster and further if I gave up drinking 8% ABV beers like they’re water, stopped eating roughly a pound of pasta a day, and gave more than two and two-thirds of a half-pound shit about how fast or far I go these days. So, like a North Pole based hooker at a Golden Corral buffet, I once again rode my fat bike on dirt roads. Get it? North Pole (cold), Golden Corral buffet (fat, the buffet is frequented by fat people), hooker (assumed dirty). Hmmm, if I have to explain it, maybe I should rethink my writing style.
Saturday’s wind was nowhere near as strong as Friday’s but this is mid-Michigan and there is ALWAYS wind, and Saturday’s winds were coming steadily out the North, which is to say that more half my ride was like riding into a fart let loose from the frozen recesses off Jack Frost’s gaping, frigid, icicle lined anus. I would be lying if I said there weren’t times when I was giving it all I had, going 11 mph, felt like I had an ice cream headache from the cold wind and thought at length about laying down in the road and letting a tractor ride over my fat head. I didn’t do that however, because I was somehow still having fun.
I spent a nice couple hours out in the sun, trying like hell to replenish my ever dwindling stockpile of vitamin D through multiple layers of clothing and gear. I didn’t go fast, I didn’t go far, but I did get out, AND I did manage to out ride two horse drawn Amish buggies loaded down with about a half-ton of fire wood.
I know Amish horses are very used to humans, cars, etc., but I thought I would do my best to avoid any accidental Amish deaths spawned by big assed horses frightened by a fat man in lycra on a clown bike. So, as I pulled upon along the buggy and as the Amish man and his boy looked at me, I asked if was OK to pass. They said yeah, but the WAY they said it was if they were saying “Why wouldn’t it be OK you fucking hell-bound, Godless heathen? Fuck off and leave us alone!! We don’t need your type out here!” Then again, maybe I was just reading too much into it…
Yeah, it was cold, but things are going to get a HELL of a lot colder between now and spring, so it was a great ride to start easing into being more miserable on the bike. OR, a great ride to see what cold weather gear needs updated and what I can improve on before the real balls of the Michigan winter starts teabagging in earnest.
Sunday (today) was much nicer and warmer, but sadly Wifey flew out to D.C. this morning to drop law knowledge on .gov type people this week, so I was a bit housebound (and a bit missing Wifey) today. Hopefully the coming week will cooperate and I can get my normal 1 to 3 short, slow, apathetic, fun rides in.
Later.