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Best Made Plans

By on July 16, 2015 in Cycling

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After working eleven hours at the shop on Wednesday and knowing that I had the next two days off, I had a plan for my Thursday: sleep in (8:45 AM) and get thirty to forty miles of fast dirt road riding in on the Boone before cutting grass, trimming some hedges, going for groceries, doing laundry and getting B off to his last night of soccer camp, after which he would leave to spend the night with some friends and teammates while I enjoyed some white trash Mexican food and a cocktail or three while watching pre-season footy.

Here is how that worked out…

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Working & A Plus Sized Bike

By on June 12, 2015 in Cycling

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Thursday was a day off the bike and a day in the bike shop to earn some cash money. The shop was fairly busy and I found myself building up another Weehoo (Weee Hoooo!!). Thankfully I only f’ed up a few things along the way–way better than the last Weehoo build which took me forever due to a parts issue. The rest of my work day was spent getting my balls busted by Napper and Terry, unpacking and checking in inventory, and pimping bikes to folks; including a couple of Mennonite kids that I initially helped out a couple of weeks back.

The last time these two kids were in, they were with their mom looking and test riding. This time the three of them returned with dad in tow, and after his approval they left the happy owners of two new bikes. The boy in particular was stoked with his X-Caliber. Of course I wept a little bit when he wanted a kickstand installed. I waited until they left before I buried my tear filled eyes and chubby cheeks in my dirty palms.

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A Love Affair

By on December 11, 2014 in Food & Drink

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I may or may not have mentioned this before, but in the world of beer (in which I am a well steeped lover), Dogfish Head Indian Brown Ale just MIGHT be the beer that has retained most of my affection over the years. I could seriously make love to this beer… it has everything I could ever want in a beer and more. I don’t drink it all the time, but GODDAMN, when I do I sort of get all tingly in the nipple and crotchial regions.

That’s it, carry on, a more thorough blog post about nothing is forthcoming.

Later.

Photo: Soiled Chamois file photo from last weekend.

Winter, The Buxom Hug

By on November 21, 2014 in Cycling

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Anyone who has ever come within three feet of me or this blog knows that I hate winter. I’m not happy about it, but there’s nothing I can do about it, so I have learned to embrace it. However, that embrace is sort of like when you’re thirteen and one of your grandmother’s buxom friends decides that she wants, nay, NEEDS  a hug upon meeting you. You’re not happy about it, but at some point during the embrace your realize that despite the woman’s advanced years, caked on makeup, wrinkles, eye watering perfume and ongoing fight with gravity, her extremely large, round boobs ARE indeed pressing into your chest. Sadly, no matter how hard your try, you end up using that bit later whilst in private*. You’re not happy about it, but there’s nothing you can do about it. Riding in the winter is my touchy/feely big boob hug.

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We are all Individuals!

By on November 6, 2014 in Cycling

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We are all individuals! But are we allowed to be?

Lately I have been thinking a lot about individuality and its place within cycling and bike racing. It’s a strange beast, especially for someone like myself, who more often than not, feels like he just doesn’t belong to any real part of cycling culture. That’s OK, I mean I’m talking about cycling, if one wants to “fit in,” there are plenty of other hobbies and lifestyles to choose from in modern-day society.

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Cold, Fat & Dirty

By on November 2, 2014 in Cycling

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For the past couple of weeks, winter has slowly been poking its frozen nose into mid-Michigan. Thankfully, there has been no long-term success. Successful or not, the past week was gray, cold and windy. Christ, I literally hadn’t seen the sun since late last Tuesday afternoon and it was so windy Friday that riding was made impossible, with winds gusting anywhere from 10 to 50+ MPH at times! I am pretty sure I saw a small child blow by the kitchen window at one point.

For the most part, the week was real warm bath and razor blade type weather, and the two days I was able to ride, it took every ounce of mental will power I had to force my jiggling muffin top out the door for a ride. It’s not that conditions were THAT bad, it’s that I am that mentally weak and apathetic.

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The Sum of The Ride

By on October 30, 2014 in Cycling

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I once again found the will to get out into the various shades of gray and fecal brown that make up the landscape of a late fall in Michigan to ride my bike for a bit. Today was pretty much the same sort of day as yesterday, except I went a mile or two longer and did a slightly different loop. A good loop, with some nice punchy climbs on loose sand and gravel, but sadly, it was a short loop.

I blathered at length yesterday about the Michigan gray and forcing myself to ride my bike when I would have rather been holed up in bed, snuggled up to the warm, ample bosoms of a red-headed Jezebel and an IV hooked up to a bottle of gin, so I will avoid doing so again today and just post some pics. The photos–like the cattle pic above–pretty much sum up any ride I do on the dirt roads around Michiganderburgh and what I encounter on my rides.

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What is Wrong?

By on October 8, 2014 in Cycling

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For the second day in a row, the Michiganderburgh winds were howling like a bean fueled anus in exit mode après an all you can eat chili bar with an endless Old Milwaukee keg that is two months past due. Gusts were getting well over 20 mph or more and a voice in my head was heard to say the phrase “FUCK THAT! I ain’t doin’ no dirt road ridin in THAT shit’.”

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