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Memories of Hamburger Helper

By on February 2, 2025 in Random

I think it might have something to do with my recently departed father, but I have been craving Hamburger Helper. I’ll explain.

Back when I was a kid in the mid-80s, the factory my dad worked at shut down, and he was out of work for two or three years as mill after mill in the Western Pennsylvania area closed. During that time my mother worked as a receptionist for a doctor, and my dad was put in charge of getting me dinner.

Chili, hot dogs, box mac ‘n’ cheese, chili, cheap fast food, frozen french fries, more chili, and, of course, LOTS of Hamburger Helper were all part of our weekly menus.

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Repetitive Goodness

By on January 31, 2025 in Outdoors

Every one of my lumbers this week has been nearly the same. Oddly, that’s not really a bad thing. 

The loops were all five miles in length, or just over. The temps were warmer (in the 20s and low 30s compared to -2˚ last week); however, while warmer, the temps have not been warm enough to melt the snow in the woods, barring a few small areas that receive direct sunlight. And that meant continuing to lumber over lumpy, slippery snow that makes for slow going, adding handfuls of minutes onto my average pace and taking its toll on my knees and darkened mind.

But hey, all that is just me trying to make my lumbers in the woods sound like something like more than a fat man walking trails in a futile attempt to feel better about himself.

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Putting A Bird on January

By on January 27, 2025 in Outdoors

Even by my extremely low standards, last week was not a great week in my world of quinquagenarian, repetitive, borderline autistic, outdoor fitness micro-adventures. Between multiple days of extreme cold and one day of bad luck trying to get to the trails, I found myself on the treadmill in the basement three times last week, including before the football started on Saturday morning. That’s three more times than I wanted.

With that said, my winter beer belly recently informed me that I needed to get back to running and high-intensity heart rate Zone 3 and 4-type shit, so I guess it wasn’t all bad. After a month or so of slow, wintry slogs, it felt good to see my heart rate hitting 160 or more during my intervals. And I didn’t stroke out and get shot off the back of the treadmill like a belt-propelled fatty turd, so that’s a bonus.

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Back in The Woods

By on January 24, 2025 in Outdoors

After a few days out of the woods and in the Not So Stankment on the treadmill, it was awesome to return to lumbering outside on Thursday morning and doing 5.28 miles as the flakes fell. And the temps were 20 degrees warmer, which felt like a heatwave compared to -2˚ earlier in the week.

The lumpy snow and ice continue to make for slow speeds as well as doing a number on my ankles, knees, and hips, but compared to past winters where I was dealing with such things as raging plantar fasciitis in both feet and a painful corn that wouldn’t heal on a pinky toe, things aren’t too bad.

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Almost is Not Good Enough

By on January 22, 2025 in Outdoors

It should be pretty apparent by this post that I’ve reached the point in the winter where madness is setting in, and I have nothing to say, but I force myself to write and post something so that I can use my brain for something other than cleaning a toilet and talking to the dog. – Management

Wednesday 8:19 AM

I hadn’t been in the woods to lumber since last Friday morning, so as you might imagine, I was looking forward to throwing caution to the wind, layering up with my best crap cold weather gear, and heading out into the -2˚ temps this morning to get a few miles in my feetz.

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Starting Somewhere

By on January 21, 2025 in Outdoors

My three-day streak of nothingness continues (sort of).

The 2025 Ignorance is Bliss Tour (#stayignernt) has hit a snag in the form of no actual lumbering happening outdoors due to the extreme cold and my lack of owning “extreme” cold weather gear. I’m pretty good with the stuff I have down into the single digits, but extended time below-zero type stuff starts to be “shit for the birds,” as Grandma Helen used to say. I also have little desire to be out in such temps, especially since my camera battery would hold a charge for about 10 minutes in -4˚ temps (the temp as of 8:25 AM) and leave me with nothing to distract me from said extreme cold.

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That Time of Year

By on January 20, 2025 in Random

Two weeks ago, I lumbered over 30 miles and felt great. Last week, I lumbered 20 miles on slippy, lumpy snow and felt like an aching bag of shit by the end. Come the weekend, I sat my fat ass inside and did nothing. Then, I woke up Monday morning at 6 AM, rolled over, farted twice, looked at the -1˚ weather icon on my phone, and said, “fuck it.”

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Shortened Goals, Finished Leftovers

By on January 16, 2025 in Outdoors

I wish I had something of interest to blather on about, but alas, things have been “samey” here the past few days years: get up in the dark, feed Lola, coffee up, dump out, layer up, drive to the trails, lumber for 4 miles in the snow, have it feel like 10, go home, wish for spring, make a cappuccino, shower, get my shit done, and then end the day watching football. Followed by making food, having a beer, going to bed, and doing it all again the next day.

On the one hand, that’s a pretty good day; on the other hand, it’s a prime example of trying to make the best out of the long, cold, dark month of January. It’s survival mode, with one eye on spring and the other on the dismal weather forecast.

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Broken Acceptance

By on January 14, 2025 in Outdoors

Tuesday was another morning of stuffing myself into cold-weather gear and begrudgingly heading out for a lumber in temps, struggling to make it into the double digits. However, I was quick to realize that, outside of a four-hour flight to Jamaica, there’s no place I’d rather be heading off to on a Tuesday morning.

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