Mandatory Polar Vortex Post


Most of the U.S. is dug polar icecap deep into Jack Frost’s frigid anal vortex, and as you can imagine, we here in Michigan are tickling his nether regions REALY good (of course we’re making Detroit do all the dirty work). I mean shit is Fargo ass COLD! So, I figured I would jump on the “IT’S FUCKING COLD, LOOK HOW HARD MY NIPPLES ARE!” bandwagon today with a pic of Jake The Dog out doing ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING in -25˚ winds while I stand there like a frozen fucking idiot. Fucking dogs… Fucking dog OWNERS. Morons.

If you had to ride outside today I hope you stayed warm. If you didn’t have to ride outside today but did anyway I say “FUCKING DUMB ASS!” Then I feel a tinge of regret and jealousy and say “I hope you had fun.” As for me, the boy was home yet again from school (as he is tomorrow) and Wifey’s orifice closed [intentionally misspelled], so I braved Jack’s vortex and drove a frigid and harrowing [not really] 5 minutes to the gym in my car.

Between snow days, holidays, Christmas vacation, holiday travel, racing, etc., today was the first time in almost three weeks that I have been able  to get to the gym. Shit, I’m not even a big fan of the gym and I was grinning from ear to ear as I climbed aboard the Stair Master. Ummm…. let me rephrase that, I was actually grinning ear to ear when that hot college girl walked right in front of me and took the Stair Master out from under me… Which then forced me to the big seated stationary bike right behind her to stare at her ass for the whopping THREE minutes that she rocked MY machine. Winning. (and kidding Wifey, sorry).

Tomorrow we’ll be going further into the vortex, so if I can sleep off “daddy’s little helper” I will surely be on the trainer. God I hate winter… and I hate scary cold even more!

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