About Soiled
My name is Jason Mahokey (AKA The Soiled Chamois). I was an avid cyclist and mountain biker since the early 90s and spent ten years or more unsuccessfully competing in XC and mountain bike endurance events. You may or may not remember XXC Magazine & xxcmag.com [site now expired]. I was the designer, publisher, and sometimes writer of XXC.
Back in 2005, v.1 of The Soiled Chamois was launched on Blogger and was my journal about training for–and competing in–endurance mountain bike races up and down the east coast of the U.S (just what people needed, another suck, narcissistic bike racer who felt he needed to share his life with the world).
Sweaty, trailhead selfie.
Between 2008 and 2013, I developed multiple DVTs (blood clots) in my legs for unknown reasons, and I am now on blood thinners for life. I spent years forcing myself to ride despite this, but between the DVTs, blood thinners, losing a close friend of mine to a motorist less than a mile from my home while he was riding, clinical depression, and weight gain, cycling became a bit “complicated” and way less fun. So, we parted ways for now. For the most current explanation of this shit show, read THIS post from May 2023. And this from April 2024.
I have always loved woodsy hikes with my camera, and in the fall of 2022, I got the itch to start hiking at pace (I call it lumbering; others call it speed hiking) with the goal of 25 to 30 miles lumbered a week. Since then, I have hiked, lumbered, and run over 2,500 miles and counting, taken thousands of images, lost a few pounds, and I am feeling better mentally than I have in years.
You may notice I changed the blog’s title to Soiled in 2022 due to not really needing to wear a chamois pad whilst hiking. It’s the same shitty blog, but with 99.9% fewer bikes and 100% more bullshit, unfunny humor, crapish photos, and stupid opinions, I’m just too lazy to officially change the address. There is NO need for this blog whatsoever, but, as they say—here we are. The shit in my head has to go somewhere, so that shit might as well go here.
Jason Mahokey
CEO and 1st Shift Supervisor in Charge of Day-to-Day Operations at Soiled Chamois, Inc.
Soiled Wiki
B-Man: My son Brennan, also known as B, Brenn, or the boy. One of the smartest, most talented kids I’ve ever met. I really can’t believe I had a hand (that’s not all!) in his creation. He was 1 when I started this blog and 20 now!
The Bed of Torment: My lumpy, creaking bed that I fart, toss, turn, lay, and hate myself in daylight hours. Unused since September 19th, 2022.
Better Than The Trainer Ride™: The rides I often do are just barely better than spending an hour on the trainer.
Better Than The Trainer? Ride™: The rides I do that fail miserably for one reason or another and leave me asking, “Was it better than the trainer?”
The Black Dog: The name that the ancient Roman poet Horace and eventually Winston Churchill gave depression. If it was good enough for Winston, it’s good enough for me. I’ve endured depression for almost my entire life but didn’t seek help until I was in my late 30s, and I didn’t start therapy until I was in my late 40s! I can’t stress enough how important it is to reach out for some help. If your doctor won’t listen, get a new fucking doctor. It’s never too late to start feeling better or to work on being a better person.
The Boone: My Trek Boone cross bike that never races cross. Why do people keep getting off their bikes again? Sold years ago.
Mr. Burgundy: My Trek Checkpoint gravel bike. Currently on an unused trainer in the basement.
Cameras: Nikon Z6, Nikon z50 (used), Nikon D4 (used), Canon s95, and Fuji X70 (used) digital cameras are all currently in rotation.
Cat 5 Cooking: I’ve always been the cook of the family; it’s also a hobby and what keeps my waistline expanding. #Cat5Cooking
Comments, None: I don’t have time, or care, to track spam, reply to people, or deal with it. Plus, NEVER READ THE COMMMENTS!!
The Chamber of Farts: Our spare bedroom that I am often banished to due to my constant gas passing. Now Wifey’s home office with 99% less farting.
Cul-De-Sac-Shack: Our home, which is located in, you guessed it—a cul-de-sac.
Doing Stuff: Mostly sitting, staring into space, but also includes: cycling, hiking, running, lumbering, weight training, Jazzercise, and competitive masturbation.
The Dirt Road Launching Pad: The varying locations I start my gravel rides or tramps to avoid cars looking to smash me dead. Usually a county park or rail trail parking lot.
The Fatterson: My beat-to-shit Trek Farley fat bike that is in need of a makeover. Sold years ago.
The Fred: Better known as The Fred Meijer Heartland Trail. A 42-mile paved rail trail in mid-Michigan that I sometimes utilize to access dirt and gravel loops.
Football, Footy, Footie: Known as soccer to most of America. I love watching it, B-Man loved playing it, and I loved watching B-Man play it. It’s the best, and I often structure my whole weekday around 3 PM kickoffs in the States.
The Hammer: The CycleOps direct drive trainer in the Not So Stankment. It’s 99% unused.
The Jacques: Better known as The Pere Marquette Rail-Trail (PMRT). Named after Father Jacques Marquette. I sometimes utilize the trail to access dirt and gravel loops in the Clare, Michigan, area.
Jake The Dog: Our ancient, snoring, farting, slobbering English Bulldog who is hanging on by a thread.
Lola: The younger member of our canine family. Yes, another English bulldog. And yes, the whole house smells like dog and fart.
Lumbering: Hiking at a pace just below a jog or run.
Me: see the intro above.
Michiganderburgh: The mythical–made up–rural Michigan landscape in which I rode my bike and now hike through. Often better than the reality.
Mindbender, The O.G. Mindbender, Mindbender II, The Wrath of Kahn, Mindbender III, A New Hope: The therapist(s) that I’ve been seeing for years now. The O.G. has done wonders to help me fend off and deal with the shame, ridicule, fear, and guilt that I grew up with and brought into adulthood.
The Not-So-Stankment: Years ago, we had a house with a cold, crap basement: it was the Stankment. Now we have a pretty nice crib with a finished basement. Thus “Not-So”.
The PrOcal: My Trek Procaliber 9.8 SL. An amazing mountain bike that sadly doesn’t see too much singletrack anymore. If you want to buy it, you can. SOLD!
Politics: I’m pretty sure it’s apparent that I hang to the left.
Religion: Guilt, shame, and fear in the name of making tax-free money.
Roscoe, The Roscoe: The 27.5+ bike I picked up in June of 2020 when I thought I might mountain bike again. It now goes unused.
The Shop: Terry’s Cycle in downtown Alma, Michigan. I’ve been going there since we moved here. I’ve also done some graphics work and web design for them and used to work the register a day or so a week now and then whilst trying not to fuck things up.
Town: Mt. Pleasant, Michigan, is where I currently reside. Oddly enough, I was born in Mt. Pleasant, Pennsylvania. There isn’t a mountain in sight.
Wifey: My wife of 27 years and counting, the brains and ginger-haired, bosomy law-slinging bill-paying bacon bringer of the family. She’s the smartest, kindest person I’ve ever met.
WPA: Western Pennsylvania. The land of partly cloudy skies, rain-soaked summers, fatalism, traffic, bad accents, and yinzers. Also the land in which I am originally from. I avoid it as much as possible now. It’s not them; it’s very much me.
Final Notes: Lastly, I write like a depressed 10th-grader with a diary, and I’m sure many folks find it annoying and a bit nauseating. Just remember, I hate me WAY more than you EVER possibly could. I also swear a lot because I do swear a lot. If you don’t like it, don’t read it. That’s cool with me; I know I wouldn’t read it.