About

Soiled History

My name is Jason Mahokey (AKA The Soiled Chamois). I was an avid cyclist and mountain biker since the early 90s and spent ten years or more unsuccessfully competing in XC and mountain bike endurance events. You may or may not remember XXC Magazine & xxcmag.com [site now expired]. I was the designer, publisher, and sometimes writer of XXC.

Back in 2005, v.1 of The Soiled Chamois was launched on Blogger and was my journal about training for–and competing in–endurance mountain bike races up and down the east coast of the U.S (just what people needed, another suck, narcissistic bike racer who felt he needed to share his life with the world). 

Between 2008 and 2013, I developed multiple DVTs (blood clots) in my legs for unknown reasons, and I am now on blood thinners for life. I spent years forcing myself to ride despite this, but between the DVTs, blood thinners, losing a close friend of mine to a motorist less than a mile from my home while he was riding, clinical depression, and weight gain, cycling became a bit “complicated” and way less fun. So, we parted ways for now. For the most current explanation of this shit show, read THIS post from May 2023.

I have always loved woodsy hikes with my camera, and in the fall of 2022, I got the itch to start hiking at pace (I call it lumbering; others call it speed hiking) with the goal of 25 miles lumbered a week. Since then, I have hiked over 1,200 miles and counting, taken thousands of images, lost a few pounds, and am feeling better mentally than I have in years.  

You may notice I changed the blog’s title to Soiled in 2022 due to not really needing to wear a chamois pad whilst hiking. It’s the same shitty blog, but with 99.9% fewer bikes and 100% more bullshit, unfunny humor, crapish photos, and stupid opinions, I’m just too lazy to officially change the address. There is NO need for this blog whatsoever, but, as they say—here we are.

I have NO idea why I publish this blog other than being a creature of habit.


Soiled Wiki

B-Man: My son Brennan, also known as B, Brenn, or the boy. One of the smartest, most talented kids I’ve ever met. I really can’t believe I had a hand (that’s not all!) in his creation.

The Bed of Torment: My lumpy, creaking bed, that I fart, toss, turn, and hate myself in. Unused since September 19th, 2022.

Better Than The Trainer Ride™: The rides I often do that are just barely better than spending an hour on the trainer. N/A

Better Than The Trainer? Ride™: The rides I do that fail miserably for one reason or another and leave me asking “was it better than the trainer?” N/A

The Black Dog: The name that the ancient Roman poet Horace and eventually Winston Churchill gave depression. If it was good enough for Winston, it’s good enough for me. I’ve endured depression for almost my entire life, but didn’t seek help until I was in my late 30s, and I didn’t start therapy until I was in my late 40s! I can’t stress enough how important it is to reach out for some help. If your doctor won’t listen, get a new fucking doctor. It’s never too late to start feeling better, or to work on being a better person.

The Boone: My Trek Boone cross bike that never races cross. Why do people keep getting off their bikes again?

Mr. Burgundy: My Trek Checkpoint gravel bike. Currently on an unused trainer in the basement.

Cameras: Nikon Z6, Nikon z50 (used), Nikon D4 (used), and Fuji X70 (used) digital cameras are all currently in rotation.

Cat 5 Cooking: I’ve always been the cook of the family, it’s also a hobby, and what keeps my waistline expanding.

Comments, None: I don’t have time, or care, to track spam, reply to people, or deal with cyber spam.

The Chamber of Farts: Our spare bedroom that I am often banished to due to my constant gas passing. Now Wifey’s home office with 99% less farting.

Cul-De-Sac-Shack: Our home located in, you guessed it—a cul-de-sac.

Doing Stuff: Mostly sitting, staring into space, but also includes: cycling, hiking, running, lumbering, weight training, Jazzercise, and competitive masturbation.

The Dirt Road Launching Pad: The varying locations I start my gravel rides to avoid cars looking to smash me dead. Usually a county park or rail trail parking lot.

Employment: After 25 years in newspaper advertising and print, I am semi-happily working as an unpaid writer, photographer, and graphic designer, as well as a full-time domestic consultant for a private residential housing firm in mid-Michigan.

The Fatterson: My beat to shit Trek Farley fat bike that is in need of a makeover. 

The Fred: Better known The Fred Meijer Heartland Trail. A 42-mile paved rail trail in mid-Michigan that I sometimes utilize to access dirt and gravel loops.

Football, Footy, Footie: Known as soccer to most of America. I loved watching it, B-Man loved playing it, and I loved watching B-Man play it. It’s the best and I often structure my whole weekday around 3 PM kickoffs in the States.

The Hammer: The CycleOps direct drive trainer that barely gets looked at anymore.

The Jacques: Better known as theThe Pere Marquette Rail-Trail (PMRT). Named after Father Jacques Marquette. I sometimes utilize the trail to access dirt and gravel loops in the Clare, Michigan area.

Jake The Dog: Our ancient, snoring, farting, slobbering English Bulldog who is hanging on by a thread.

Junk Miles Media: The photo heavy sub domain to this digital fish wrap is junkmiles.thesoiledchamois.net. As my ability to do long rides wanes, and my love of photography grows, I feel the need to expand The Soiled Chamois empire of nothingness.

Lola: The younger member of our canine family. Yes, another English bulldog. And yes, the whole house smells like dog and fart.

Lumbering: Hiking at a pace just below a jog or run.

Me: see intro above.

Michiganderburgh: The mythical–made up–rural Michigan landscape in which I rode my bike and now hike through. Often better than the reality.

Mindbender, The O.G. Mindbender, Mindbender II, The Wrath of Kahn, Mindbender III, A New Hope: The therapist(s) that I’ve been seeing for years now. She has done wonders to help me fend off and deal with the shame, ridicule, fear, and guilt that I grew up with and brought into adulthood.

The Not-So-Stankment: Years ago we had a house with a cold, crap basement: it was the Stankment. Now we have a pretty nice crib with a finished basement. Thus “Not-So”.

The PrOcal: My Trek Procaliber 9.8 SL. An amazing mountain bike that sadly doesn’t see too much singletrack anymore. If you want to buy it, you can. SOLD!

Politics: I hate it all, but I am a card-carrying lefty and devout hater of all things conservative.

Religion: To quote Conan O’Brien, “Silliness is my religion.” I also just don’t like it, it’s all a bit much, isn’t it?

Roscoe, The Roscoe: The 27.5+ bike I picked up in June of 2020. I think I might mountain bike again. Currently without grips, pedals, or seat post.

The Shop: Terry’s Cycle in downtown Alma, Michigan. I’ve been going there since we moved here. I also do their graphics work, web design, and used work the register a day or so a week now and then whilst trying not to fuck things up.

Town: Mt. Pleasant, Michigan is where I currently reside. Oddly enough, I was born in Mt. Pleasant, Pennsylvania.

Wifey: My wife of 26 years and counting, the brains and ginger haired, bosomy law-slinging bill paying bacon bringer of the family. She’s the best!

WPA: Western Pennsylvania. The land of partly cloudy skies, rain-soaked summers, fatalism, traffic, bad accents, and yinzers. Also the land in which I am originally from. I avoid it as much as possible now. It’s not them, it’s me.

Final Notes:

Lastly, I write like a 10th-grader with a diary, and I’m sure many find it annoying and a bit nauseating. Just remember, I hate me more than you ever possibly could.

Jason Mahokey
CEO and 1st Shift Supervisor in Charge of Day to Day Operations at Soiled Chamois, Inc.

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