Today was another amazing fall day in the palm of “the mitten,” and I was eager to get out on some dirt roads. I extended my northern dirt road route further west and south of town today and got in just under three hours of pavement, gravel, dirt, sand and as you can see– dust.
I really don’t know what I was thinking when I decided to get out my “new to me” camera and expose its lens and mechanical naughty bits to the tsunami of dust a speeding sand pit bound dump truck left me today. You just know tomorrow I’ll be complaining at length about how my lens is scratched, the shutter grinds and my photos look worse than they already do. Idiot.
There was NO dust around when my ride was delayed by this beast, just a pissed off dog looking at my man meat like it was a sweaty sausage packed in lycra.
This freaking dog held me hostage for a good five minutes in the middle of the road. It would bark then back off, so I would then I try to ride away, only to have it run at me barking and snapping again. Ug!! I just stood there in the middle of the road yelling at it like an idiot. Then I tried sweet, man vs. dog, love-making, doggie talk to it and that failed (although I think she may have been aroused). Then I started yelling towards the trailer that it darted from. “CAN I GET A LITTLE HELP HERE?… CAN YOU GET YOUR DOG??? ANYONE? Your dog… can you get your dog? No?… Anyone?… I guess I’ll stand here… Don’t mind me… HEY, CAN YOU GET YOUR FUCKING DOG!”
That’s when the door of the trailer swung open and a tall, emaciated, 80 pound woman sporting a Boston Bruin’s hoodie and looking like she just fell out of a rolling methadone clinic at speed, came shuffling out of the house. “SHE-RA, STOP! SHE-RA! COME HERE!” (did she just say “She-Ra??”), nothing. It took here another two minutes to wrangle the beast now known as She-Ra before I was on my way. I am sure She-Ra isn’t a bad dog, but after getting bit last year, I don’t take too many chances when it comes to angry dirt road dogs. Not to mention if that woman takes care of She-Ra the way she takes care of herself, the dog probably has track marks, hepatitis and God knows what else… Good thing the love making sweet talk didn’t work!
The other two hours and fifty odd minutes were filled with the following…
Cows (note the one getting ready to lay one down in the upper right corner)
Barns of course
Renegade corn (Don’t tell me where to grow asshole!!)
Left for Dead Corn
Geese flying off to go poop in a park somewhere.
Plenty of the second most popular sign on my local dirt/gravel roads (behind No Tress Passing)… The route altering “T” sign.
And of course some NUT SLAPPING stretches of gravel…
That shit is the worst! It just slaps the boys around like they are pingpong balls!
Other than the dog and the nut slapping, it was a pretty sweet ride. I just wish we had some more climbs around to make it a bit tougher and burn more calories and man fat.