I have been off the bike and out of the gym for…um…. ah…. Hell, I don’t even know how long anymore. I was on a scheduled family vacation for a few days and despite making it to the gym today, I feel exactly like a big fat swollen blubbery miserable gorilla turd.
The plan was for Wifey, her family and I to take B-Man to Disney World to celebrate his 10th birthday. I had NO desire to go to Disney World and originally it was agreed by all that I should just stay in Michigan to ensure that everyone had a good time. However, seeing that it was an opportunity to escape the harsh Michigan winter and chill in the Florida sun whilst Wifey, B-Man and family went to the theme parks I decided to go. Sadly, it didn’t really turn out like that.
In the week prior to our departure, temps here were in Michigan were in the high single digits, meanwhile, in Orlando they were in the mid 80s. I was so geeked to sweat my ass off in the sun and do nothing but drink beer and soak in the pool I couldn’t even think straight.
In the days before we left, the Orlando forecast kept getting worse…. it went from the mid 80s to the mid 70s to the mid 60s and rain by the time we arrived. Shit. No, correction… SHIT MUCK FOTHER BLUCKING MUCK BUCK SHIT BAG WAD BITCH!!!
The pool plan was aborted… it looks like I’m going to Disney World… In conditions that felt more like Seattle in February than Florida. Fuck.
I could talk at length about how I hate “forced/organized fun,” how for some reason my lower back hurt so bad (and continues to hurt) that I spent most of my days walking around the hellish Disney empire grinding my teeth like an MDA speed freak, leaning up against any wall I could find to relieve the pain. I could blather on about how the weather sucked 3 out of 4 days, how I found myself fighting off a worsening deep depression, a blind hate for myself and an inability to just have fun in what is billed as the “happiest place on earth.” How most of our time was spent being herded around like rain soaked cattle from one exhibit or ride to the next, which was always conveniently placed at the end of a lengthy corridor lined with gift shops selling ugly $45 made in China Mickey Mouse T shirts, eateries serving overpriced microwaved meals and sugary snacks served by fake smiling park “cast members.”
Yeah, I COULD go on and on about that shit, but it doesn’t matter. This trip was for B-Man who turned 10 on Monday. He and Wifey had an amazing time and that is what’s important. I was extremely lucky to escape the harsh Michigan winter for a few days and the time I spent hanging out with Wifey and having lunch at our resort on Saturday was super fun as was time the I spent riding roller coasters, screaming my head off like a fool with B-Man. The trip had its moments (Animal Kingdom was pretty fun-ish and sunny as you can see by two of the pics here), and I can see why millions of people from all over the world visit the Disney empire every year, but I can’t see why I did or why I would visit again. Ever.
Give me Bugs Bunny over Mickey Mouse any day of the week, next winter give me a sunny beach in Mexico and tomorrow, give me my bike! It’s been too long.