If I could have had added a subtitle to this post I think the full title would have been Old School Renewal, The Good, The Bad, and The Goddamn Ugly.
The Good
I was unsure if it could/would ever happen again, but after weeks, months and possibly years I am starting to feel like I truly want to get back to living a fitter lifestyle again and taking better care of myself. It started a bit last week with getting out for a few rides, and a couple 3-mile evening walks while I was at the soccer complex for B’s practices. But then, of course, this past weekend’s winter (in April) storm broke me (again), and come Monday I was eager to just drink beer and watch soccer with my free time. Thankfully, I woke up Tuesday did some work, crapped out a blog post, and then suddenly felt like I wanted to get down to the Not So Stankment to get a few miles of lumbering/running in.
The run/lumber went well and was followed by a small but satisfying lunch. Later that evening I found myself with some renewed interest in diet and training and was soon going down digital rabbit holes of diet and training techniques that can best utilize the fuel I store in the gelatinous power grid that hovers above my waistline without wearing me down too fast.
Went old-school tech for today’s run, and also listened to some old-school Blur.
No, I have NO plans to return to racing my bike and there will be no drastic dietary changes like putting butter in my coffee or eating kale in fucking everything, but I realized that part me misses the dedication to diet and exercise it takes to race bikes, even at the shitty mid-pack level I did.
Not being a competitive person by nature, I don’t miss competing, but I miss feeling like an athlete; I enjoy eating right, planning, learning, and pushing myself (pushing myself mentally and physically but not in that “no pain no gain” Nike t-shirt slogan/high school football coach yelling bullshit way).
Losing weight is a goal, of course, but I’m realistic (and going on 47 years old) and know that may or may not happen that quickly, or at all. I want to have fun and get fit. I may end up being the fittest fat man, but I also might be able to dig out that bag of too tight jeans in the back of the closet and have them fit.
Threw some brown rice in the rice cooker and at the end of my run I had some rice all ready for me.
The Bad
With all that said, I am disappointed with myself that I got to this point with my fitness and weight. There have been a variety of things that led me astray in the past 8 years or so: the stress of moving from Pennsylvania to Michigan, the stress of creating and publishing XXC Magazine (and its inevitable demise), not finding, or even knowing if I want a new “career,” medical issues (multiple DVTs), the death of a close friend, etc., etc. Which leads me to the goddamn ugly…
The Goddamn Ugly
I pretty much made this same commitment in winter of 2017 I was eating too much, drinking too much, and wallowing in self-pity and depression but I turned things around and had dropped over 13 pounds by May of 2017. I was stoked and looking forward to a summer of big miles and continued weight loss. Then in June my friend Mike was killed and all that went straight the hell out the window. Not only did I return to eating like shit, I started drinking even more, and got even more depressed.
Some Cat 5 white trash Chinese cooking.
Despite my hate-fueled writings aimed at this relentless winter, I’ve actually been feeling quite good about a lot of things lately (better living through chemistry) and I’m ready to move on, and return to the things I enjoy, but there is one more added hurdle…
From the buttons popping off my pants I knew that I gained weight I had lost back, but what I didn’t know until yesterday (because I refused to get on a scale) is that I also tacked an additional 7 pounds on, meaning I gained 20 pounds in a year. See, I told you it was ugly. So where last year’s goal was to lose 30 or 40 pounds, I am now looking at 40 or 50. Ffffffffffffffffffffffuck!
So there you go, the good, the bad and the goddamn ugly. It’s only been a few days, but I am happy with the week thus far and was even happier to have completed 4.5 miles on the treadmill today while staying within my aerobic heart rate range and getting a hell of a sweat on. With some luck the roads just might be clear enough for a paved road ride tomorrow. Not counting on it, but it sure would be nice.
Later.