On a Bender


Today featured a very, VERY short ride. It was a short ride for one reason and one reason only: wind.

The wind has been bad the past couple days here in Michiganderburgh, but since I didn’t ride yesterday I didn’t give a shit. Today however I gave shit; until I DIDN’T give a shit and rode home with slightly less than thirty miles in my fat fucking legs.


Every road I took had me thinking of new titles for today’s blog post: “Bean Shaker,” “Corn Bender” and “Put a Bullet in My Fucking Skull” all made the short list of possible post titles. As you may have noticed I didn’t go with any of them, but all of them could have applied because the wind  had the corn bending, the beans shaking, and if I had a gun to stop the wind infused madness, I would have used it (this is why I am pro-gun control!).


Weatherdotfuckingcom said that the wind was blowing 16 to 25 MPH here in town. God only knows what speeds they were blowing out on the dirt and rural farm roads outside of town. All I know is that the wind was fucking blowing like a $5 rent boy and I, in my heart of fat fucking hearts, know that it was a minor cycling miracle that I even got my fat ass get out to ride in that mind fucking shit.


But I did, and I burned some of Wednesday night’s burritos off my chub handles while getting a sweat on. I also got one hell of a mental floss whilst I cursed and cussed the wind that I dealt with via cross winds and headwinds for 75% of the ride.


Even though it wasn’t REALLY needed on a short ride like today, I did invest in a new CamelBak 25 oz. bottle this week; so at least I had a few extra ounces of fluid with me. Too bad the ride wasn’t longer to see if I really needed all that or not. Still, it was there.


Once back onto pavement I was blessed with a laughable tail wind; heart rate at 110 while going 3o MPH? Sure, why not. I actually had to slow down to finally get a pic of the dick on the tribe’s masturbatory, back slap sign on Baseline Road.


I am not a fan of long, flat, mind numbing stretches of hot pavement, but on a day like today with the wind pushing me all the way back into town, I was pretty damn OK with it.

This has been one of the more crap weeks I’ve had this summer–mentally, physically and cycling wise-but I’ll be fine. There are worse things to have to worry about.

This weekend I plan to ride some new singletrack, or at least some singletrack I haven’t been on in a while. I need woodsy dirt, so woodsy dirt I shall seek.


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