Soiled Chamois Rice & Beans


It’s sort of funny [not really] that nearly all of my favorite meals look like something that was scraped off the piss smelling coat of a bum passed out in an alley after three bottles of Wild Irish Rose and a “found” half eaten gas station burrito. Funny or not [mostly not], any combination of brown rice, meat, beans, peppers, onions and a bit of cheese usually results in me being fully satisfied in the gut (and more than a tad gassy).

Tonight’s rice & beans was based on what Bon Appétit magazine calls the “hottest trend to come out of American kitchens since the kale-splosion of 2012.”  Tex-Mex-Cajun-Italian Fusion.

If you’re one of those people who thinks grains, beans and carbs are the work of Satan or have a spastic colon that can’t handle the intestinal broom-like fiber flush that this meal packs, then you should probably not go near it. BUT if you like a spicy, tasty, carb-tastic, fiber rich meal that’s super easy to make and will have you delighting friends and family alike with your covert crap dusting for hours and hours, then by all means cook it up.

Since this isn’t a food blog, I’m not gonna get too in to how to make it , I think it’s simple enough that most people can figure out how to make rice and add beans, tomatoes, spices, sautéed meat, peppers and onions, top with a bit of cheese and serve. Make as little or as much as your want, make it as spicy as you want. The first rule of making Soiled Chamois Rice & Beans is that there are no rules (except for the dish containing rice and beans).

In the past, I’ve made rice and beans with chicken, sausage, ground beef, ground turkey and “fake” meat. I’ve made it with black beans, kidney beans, white beans, you name it.  Sometimes it’s balls out Mexican, sometimes it’s cajun, sometimes it’s the über trendy Tex-Mex-Cajun-Italian Fusion. It’s pretty hard to fuck up rice and beans, just do what you want (or don’t, I don’t care).

The trough of rice and beans pictured in the sub-par photo above contained:

  • Cannellini beans (drained and rinsed)
  • Kidney beans (drained and rinsed)
  • Hot turkey sausage (removed from casing)
  • Brown Rice
  • Diced onion
  • Diced red and orange bell peppers
  • 1 can of diced tomatoes (I used diced tomatoes & green chilies)
  • Cajun seasoning
  • Chipotle seasoning
  • Salt & Pepper (to taste)
  • 2% shredded Mexican cheese (topped with at end)
  • Extra Virgin Olive oil

I also topped with a bit of Chipotle Hot Sauce. Love that stuff.

Chop, open, drain, rinse, sauté, brown, boil, mix, top it with cheese and all that stuff. Then eat it.

For the record, I am pretty sure that Bon Appétit magazine never called the made up food style of Tex-Mex-Cajun-Italian Fusion the “hottest trend to come out of American kitchens since the kale-splosion of 2012.” But if they ever do, I will produced this article and demand props.

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