Tag Archives | sorry attempts at humor

Getting Real

By soiledchamois on December 5, 2024 in Outdoors

It’s 7:20 Wednesday morning and I’m sitting in the room of our house that contains a desk, my computer, and all my camera gear¹, wasting time, waiting for my lower intestines to give me the all-clear sign to exit the house for a lumber.

While doing so, I checked the weather. Ho hum, cloudy, 34˚, chance of snow flurrries, winds from 10-20 MPH; yawn, typical Michigan winter. But then I looked at tonight’s forecast; cloudy, snow showers and wind gusts up to FORTY miles per hour. Ma Nature’s kicking shit up a bit! Going to be even more trees down on Thursday.

OK, all clear, time to go.

Continue Reading →

A Cold Start

By soiledchamois on December 3, 2024 in Outdoors

I was once again the first and only car at the trailhead parking lot at 7:45 Monday morning.

The sunlight was just starting to creep over the trees, turning the clouds various shades of pink, red, and orange as I tightened my shoelaces and waited for my Garmin to connect. All the while, a large gaggle of geese in the river were honking away.

Continue Reading →

Lumbers, Menus, and Thanks

By soiledchamois on November 29, 2024 in Outdoors

I was up at my usual 6 AM on Thanksgiving morning to tend to the dogs and my dumps, and then it was a quick cup of coffee and out the door into the dark to get to the trails before the annual Turkey trot trail race kicked off at 9 AM.

I was sort of pissed about the race happening because I really wanted to attempt it this year! But the last time I Googled it (pre-autumn mental meltdown), all I could find was the 2023 event info. Then, when I woke up this morning, I wanted to double-check, and NOW there was the damn info. Go figure. Perhaps it’s a sign from the Run Dogs that I’m not ready yet.

Continue Reading →

Keepin’ It Dank

By soiledchamois on November 25, 2024 in Outdoors

In Friday’s post, I made a ridiculous and bold proclamation that I would do some treadmilling to offset the beers I planned on consuming whilst watching the football all weekend. I have no shame in admitting I did no such thing.

A week of lumbering 25+ miles in the cold, dank woods had my aging bones perfectly content to be warm inside, close to a kitchen stocked with food and adult beverages, with slippered feet up while sitting in my favorite chair, remote in hand, yelling at the TV, and being a goof as two bulldogs fart, burp, snore, and stink up the living room. It’s kind of my weekend “thing.”

Continue Reading →

Goals, Milestones, And Shoes

By soiledchamois on November 22, 2024 in Outdoors

Today’s 6.10-mile lumber was dank, grey, and fairly lifeless in the woods. I saw a couple deer sprinting away from a distance and a black-capped chickadee flitting around in some brush, and that was it. I took one shitty photo which is not shown here due to said shittiness. Instead you get a backyard Turdus captured weeks ago.

Continue Reading →

Wookies, Flakes, & Lumbers

By soiledchamois on November 21, 2024 in Outdoors

Thursday morning, Jake (The Dog) woke me up out of sound sleep just before the alarm with one of his patented Wookie growls that sounds like Chewbacca is being “taken” against his will in the showers of a Death Star prison. This is Jake’s way of telling me that it’s time for me to get my flaccid white man ass downstairs and haul his ass out in the yard to pee. It’s a startling way to awaken, to say the least.

Slippers on, gutchies buttoned up, flashlight between the teeth, and Jake slung over my left arm (the one with rampant tendonitis in the elbow from doing this 4+ times a day, every day), I threw open the back door, stepped out into the darkness, and there they were.

First Flakes: Thursday, November 21st at 6:02 AM

Mark it, dude.

Continue Reading →

Tales of The Mundane

By soiledchamois on November 19, 2024 in Outdoors

I am blessed by the dogs above with the ability to write about the most mundane, stupid shit and force people (not really) to read about it. You’re welcome. — Management

Just as I knew in my heart going into 2024 that it was going to be a shit show of a year, I knew for over a week going into Monday that it would be a shit show of a day.

Until it wasn’t.

Continue Reading →

Notes on Names & Bangs

By soiledchamois on November 16, 2024 in Outdoors

As previously discussed, Friday was Deer Day here in Michigan. One side of my brain was telling me to take the day off so as not to slam my head into a wayward bullet that was unable to stop itself from crossing into the park. And the other part of me was saying, “fuck it” you only have to get a couple miles in, and your week is done. I went with fuck it.

Continue Reading →

Alternative Deer Seasons

By soiledchamois on November 15, 2024 in Outdoors

Today kicks off firearms deer season here in Michigan. That means that people such as myself who lumber around the woods in the early morning have to use extra caution so as not to have our chests ripped open by a Super Shock Tip bullet (I hear they’re killer!)

Continue Reading →

Thursday Moistness

By soiledchamois on November 14, 2024 in Outdoors

Because Michigan gotta Michigan, the weather has turned from a warm, 50˚ hike on Monday morning to a clear and frosty 27˚ lumber on Wednesday, to a soggy lumber in a steady rain and 40˚ temps on Thursday.

I’M ON A ROLLERCOASTER OF CLIMATE-INDUCED EMOTIONS!!!

Continue Reading →

Older posts Newer posts