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Not Moshing To Euro-Techno

By on February 17, 2014 in Cycling, Random

cxdancefest

When I first saw this photo of Philipp Walsleben on Pez Cycling News, I thought maybe he was all sorts of pissed off and slamming his bike down for some reason or moshing to some sort of hard-core Euro-techno whilst hopped up on ecstasy. Or better yet, having some sort of mental breakdown caused by years of huffing embrocation, riding in circles and jumping over man-made barriers, freaked out and started doing a chorus line dance while holding his bike aloft and laughing maniacally like a smoked up Jürgen Klopp going mental on the touch line.

It turns out I was wrong on all counts, he just fucked up a barrier jump. I like my imagination better… I don’t think I’ll read the photo captions any more.

I can’t thank Philipp enough, because if I had not seen this photo, I would not have been inspired to Google search videos for hard-core Euro techno and I would not have discovered this gem…

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Exchanging Miseries

By on February 11, 2014 in Random

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I have been off the bike and out of the gym for…um…. ah…. Hell, I don’t even know how long anymore. I was on a scheduled family vacation for a few days and despite making it to the gym today, I feel exactly like a big fat swollen blubbery miserable gorilla turd.

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Hiatus

By on February 5, 2014 in Random

iceroadbiker

I will be on hiatus from the ice, snow and this digital fish wrap I call a blog for the next 5 days or so whilst taking part in some scheduled family activities. I am almost positive that I will bring down any possibility of fun or relaxation for my family just by being there, but it’s worth a shot… I guess… maybe…

Yeah, sissies

By on January 25, 2014 in Random

Just like cyclists, football (soccer) players don’t get much respect from most of America. They are believed to be “sissies” in contrast to “real ‘Merican man” athletes like American football players, hockey players, bowlers and poker players.

Bullshit.

Take a look at today’s carnage from 4th round FA Cup matches…

Liverpool’s Martin Skrtel had his split open bloody head stapled on the side of the pitch, then continued to play the remaining 40 minutes.

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Jonathon Parr of Crystal Palace was knocked clean out after a challenge with Wigan’s Callum McManaman.

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And probably the worst: Bryan Oviedo (Everton) snapped leg like in two.

brokeleg

Yeah, sissies.

Gym Follies & Other Stuff

By on January 24, 2014 in Random

hugmagcov

This week has been a pretty good week of what I call “doing stuff.” Some people call it “training” but I can’t really bring myself to use that term anymore, since I have no idea what I am training for other than to not get any fatter and to ride and race my bike without looking like the complete douche bag that I surely am.

Part of the stuff I do is going to the gym for some strength training and off the bike cardio. It’s nothing over the top and it’s not all that interesting, but this week did have it’s share of ridiculousness…

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Bike Mags & Smut

By on January 22, 2014 in Cycling, Random

SONY DSC

So often we hear or use the phrase “bike porn,” (or “bike pron” for those wishing to mask their digital tracks) when talking about bikes we are lusting after. So, the other day while on the trainer, I started wondering what might happen if you crossed a story that one (might) find in a smut mag with a story about riding bikes. It seemed like it would be easy and sort of a goof to do, so I did a little Googling, followed by a bit of history deleting, and found a site that, (surprisingly) I had never been on before. The site had a ton of reprinted (so NOT MTBR) Forum stories that I think were featured in a that one mag that refers to their centerfolds as “pets” (please ignore that little dose of misogyny, thanks).

At first, the experiment was proving difficult, I mean some of the stories were freaking over the top! But after perusing a few, I found one that would work well enough and have shared my “new” version below. For the record I straight up plagiarized this story written by T.P. From Austin, Texas (no, I am not going to link you to the original and I don’t really care about the plagiarizing since Mr. T.P. didn’t even give his really freaking name). The red text is the text that I swapped or added to make this all happen.

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The Struggle

By on January 21, 2014 in Random

I got me a case of writer’s block. It’s not entirely my fault, it just that there is NOTHING going on except zero degree temps and snow. OK, there are things going one but I’m talking about things that are worth talking about. The following is a list of things that I thought about blathering on about but realized there was no real point…

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