Crush Pasta III


The gun people have the NRA in their corner defending their right to blow big holes in things. Cigarettes have the tobacco industry and all those old smokers trying to look hip on ventilators in their corner. Sugar, which has come to be blamed for everything from childhood obesity, to Obamacare, to erectile dysfunction, has nearly the entire American food industry in its corner. And pasta? Well, pasta has me to champion how freaking good it is when eaten in moderation (although I prefer not to) and prepared with love (Note: please make a rainbow arc with your hands as you read the word love).

Pasta can warm the cockles of even the most staunch carb hater. Yeah, I’m looking at the Atkins people with their three meals a day of cheese & bacon but can’t walk up a flight of stairs and the ninety-nine dollars a pound, grass-fed, Cross-Fit doing, high horse riding Paleo people! Go ahead, hate on pasta! I’ll still be here eating it and loving it along with millions of Italians, the state of New Jersey and that hot Italian cook with the giant head on the Food Network. We be tight.

All kidding aside, I just love pasta. I’ve experimented with Paleo and Primal based diets in the past, and while I respect them to an extent, I seem to either gain weight or just maintain on those diets and/or lifestyles. Maybe it’s the FFB (Former Fat Boy) cells in my body, but I just don’t play well with a lot of fat and copious amounts of protein, no matter what the source. Not to mention, when I ride I feel like a used condom that’s been drug through the mud after a night with a Kardashian.

Sure, I’ve heard that there’s no real nutritional value in pasta, I don’t care. I ate a ton of it when I went from 300 pounds to 175 pounds and rode like teenager in heat, so haters can suck on that. Of course over the past twenty years I’ve gained about 40 back, but that is more due to aging, stress, decreased riding and a steady flow of antidepressants [for a few years] and alcohol into my bouncing gut.

Still,  I am TRYING to teach myself to embrace smaller portions of the foods I love (like pasta in all its glorious, orgasmic forms), and to tell you the truth it works just as well as cutting back on carbs, eating more protein and feeling like the afore-mentioned used condom.

Having said alllllll that, I final-fucking-ly give you one of my go-to post ride lunches the past few week… Soiled Chamois Post Ride Pasta & Broccoli Colon Cleanse


Ingredients and such:

1 cup (dry) Whole Wheat Fusilli
1 cup (at least) broccoli florets
1 Tablespoon extra virgin olive oil
1 Teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes (less or more if you choose, probably use more than most)
1/2 Teaspoon minced garlic
1 Tablespoon Grated Pecorino Romano (grated to taste)
Generous pinches of salt & black pepper to taste

This dish is so simple, even Wifey could make it. OK, maybe not Wifey, but MOST people could. All you have to do is cook the pasta as directed and with a minute or two left (depending on how tender you like your broccoli) add the broccoli florets. When finished, drain and set aside. In the pot you just used, add olive oil, garlic and crushed red pepper. Heat a minute or so, then turn off heat, add pasta and broccoli and mix through. When all the pasta is coated with the EVOO, add some salt and pepper to taste, mix again, dump on a plate and grate some good Pecorino Romano on top. Freaking simple and the whole lunch takes less than ten minutes to make.

Rough nutritional estimates via, er I should say

Calories 295
Total Fat 16g
Carbohydrates 55g
Dietary Fiber 12g
Protein 15g

While the above stats may be off here or there (I trust no one on the internet), even in the ballpark they aren’t that bad for someone who just rode anywhere between 15 and 50 miles or more and plans to do it again the next day.

If you missed the earlier installments of the Crush Pasta posts, I gotz your pasta loving backz…

Crush Pasta I
Crush Pasta II

Top photo found at
Bottom photo: The Soiled Chamois

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