Tag Archives | sorry attempts at humor

Migration & Dark Thoughts

Dear Reader,

This post was written several days ago, and for that, I apologize. Both for the delay and for the ongoing shit content. I know there are roughly 1 to 3 people who wake up each day anxious to read about the ongoing exploits of a one-time crap endurance cycling junkie turned unfunny, chubby 51-year-old middle-class slacker white guy. 

The migration of this site to a new host did not go according to plan because I did the exact opposite of what the Tech-Heads were telling me to do at nearly every turn. I’m not very bright, but you know that. Hopefully, things will be back to normal in a day or six.

— Management

With that housekeeping out of the way, five days into the 2023 Soil The Woods Tour, five hikes are done. Praise the dogs!

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2022 Mental Recap

This is my last post of 2022. A year-end wrap-up post, if you will. Almost all of it has to do with crawling out from the rock of depression I’ve been living under for the past couple of years. Read if you want, or don’t.

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Stupidity & Dangerous Curves

Last week’s Winter Storm Elliot ended up being pretty standard stuff for my part of Michigan; however, the gusting 30+ MPH winds, my unwise decision to “hold off a bit longer” until I got the snow tires put back on the 2014 Ford Escape, and the county’s strange decision to forgo plowing or salting the roads meant that I missed two days of hiking that would have easily g0t me to my self-imposed 25-mile weekly hiking goal. Crap.

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A Zone 0 Holiday

My family and I are about to spend the Christmas holiday in our own home for only the 2nd time in the past 12 years. The first time was in 2020 when the world was balls deep into the COVID-19 pandemic, so there was little to feel good about. This time it’s ongoing dog boarding issues have prevented us from traveling back to Western PA for the holiday, and if you know me, my distaste for holiday travel, and my love of routine, you know I’m pretty stoked about that.

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Stomps, Logs, and Fat

As I start this post in the morning darkness of the winter solstice, I have just cut a large Yule Log (the reason for the season?), and I am eagerly awaiting today’s very limited appearance from the sun before heading into the woods to burn some incense and get freaky with a nymphomanic Yule Goddess in celebration of longer days returning. 

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Silence In a Forest

This blog, website, journal, whatever the fuck it is, is holding on like the last elastical strains of Moscato-flavored vomit off a drunk sorority girl’s chin; for that, I apologize.

In all honesty, I should have put this thing to bed years ago when I realized my love for cycling, especially racing, was evaporating. However, if I sat around thinking of all the things I should have or could have done with my life, I would be a depressed, 51-year-old fat man living in the middle of nowhere-ass Michigan with no real career, dreams, desires, passions, or lusts left in the tank. Um, OK, forget that.

With all that said, I begrudgingly continue on for some reason.

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Thankful Lumbers

Holiday #1 in the Trifecta of Holiday Evil has come and gone without incident, as expected. Mostly because B’s schedule and dog-boarding issues prevented us1 from traveling 13+ hours round trip for the pleasure of me being riddled with enough sadness, anxiety, and resurrected childhood traumas to keep my mind racing in The Bed of Torment for the next 12 months again. Fuck that shit. Continue Reading →

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