My family and I are about to spend the Christmas holiday in our own home for only the 2nd time in the past 12 years. The first time was in 2020 when the world was balls deep into the COVID-19 pandemic, so there was little to feel good about. This time it’s ongoing dog boarding issues have prevented us from traveling back to Western PA for the holiday, and if you know me, my distaste for holiday travel, and my love of routine, you know I’m pretty stoked about that.
In 2021 my ongoing wrangle with anxiety and depression REALLY kicked in around Thanksgiving, and within the first weeks of the New Year, I was in Mindbender II, The Wrath of Kahn’s office1, asking to be sedated with high-powered horse tranquilizers but happy enough to try a new SSRI that would ultimately not jive with me and have me repeating the process multiple times over the next several months before finally going back to my ol’ standby, finding some mental traction around mid-summer, and finally finding my “old self” in mid-September when I started the 2022 Not Dead Yet Comeback Special.
“Hiking. It’s pretty much just walking. And walking is just putting one foot in front of the other.” — The Soiled Chamois, circa a 2019 blog post
Since then, I have been in the woods with my camera almost daily. That is, of course, not all that surprising, but what was surprising is that it was not on my mountain bike but with a new pair of hiking shoes and a commitment to focus on mileage and fitness first and photography second (Garmin says I average 3.99 miles per hike). In fact, I even picked up a used pocket-sized Fuji x70 so as not to slow myself down too much but still scratch that creative itch.
I also made the commitment to stop weighing myself. There is no real point; it’s just a number. Instead, I focus on how my body feels, how I’m recovering, and how clothes fit. Most importantly, how my MIND feels before, during, and after a hike in the woods. And I must say, it’s been a revelation of sorts.
Not to drop crappy bro-science, but in recent years my gravel rides have only been in the 25-mile range, and my mountain bike loops in the 7-10 mile range. And sadly, my age and fitness had me feeling every meager mile. Which in turn had me feeling mentally like shit. Despite my best pre-ride plans, I was stuck and struggling in Zone 3.
My brain wanted Zone 3 or 4, my body wanted Zone 2, and as a result, there was little enjoyment while riding and even less upon returning to sit on the Post-Ride Garage Step of Crap Fitness Reflection.
My recovery process was not the best either, so the next day, I would once again begrudgingly stuff myself into Lycra, set off on my bike, and return to the Garage Step two hours later to ponder my declining bike fitness and my ongoing desire to take a hammer to my bike—or myself.
So after years of looking at hiking as something only people who don’t ride bikes do, I have found myself enjoying it and not quite sure what to do with myself on the very few days I don’t. My fitness is better, some clothes fit way better, and my mind is clear and focused for at least an hour and a half each day.
Ironically, as I post this on Christmas Eve, I find myself on Day 2 of not leaving the house due to Winter Storm Elliot’s crazy winds, snow, and super low temperatures. I’m stuck on 17.52 miles of a planned 25, and it’s sort of driving me crazy in a good way, the way missing a ride used to!
Instead of sitting around crying in my Christmas beer(s) about not getting outside today, I am going to embrace Zone 0; make an Oreo pie for B-Man, put some metal on the hi-fi, plan our holiday “festive” menu, and then later have a beer whilst working on an idea I had for a screenplay that involves a mashup of a Lifetime Christmas movie and porn.
Tonight at 8, on Lifetime…
A beautiful princess from Albanystan secretly moves to a small rural New England town where she unexpectedly finds herself invited to Christmas dinner with an overly friendly bi-sexual farm girl, her divorced, nympho-cougar stepmother, and their hot handyman who is a dead-on look-a-like (except for the lack of body hair and neck tattoos) for her abusive rich ex-boyfriend back in the old country who never REALLY knew how to please her. Steamy sex and holiday merriment under the mistletoe ensue in this sexy soon-to-be holiday classic. Rated TV-15
I’m looking forward to some calmer weather in the coming days, and more miles in my feetz.
I’m not a one to be dropping Merry Christmas tidings and shit like that, but I will say, I hope your holiday doesn’t suck (unless you’re an asshole). Have fun, be safe, and get ready for Boxing Day!!!
Later.
THE SOILD SOUNDS TRACK O THE POST
There is no Soiled Sounds Track of The Post today due to me using too much of my brain concocting that Lifetime porn bit.