The Crud


Last night, right after I hit the publish button on what will surely be known as the most widely unread blog post in Soiled Chamois history, I popped my normal shot of ZzzQuil and headed up to The Chamber of Farts that is my bedroom. An hour or so later I was still awake; I tossed, I turned, I coughed, I was hot, I was cold, I was sweating, I coughed again. “Wait, why do I keep coughing?” I thought to myself. Then it hit me…. I’m getting sick… I’ve got the crud! OH, FOR FUCK’S SAKE!

All it really takes is the realization that I am indeed getting sick for illness to descend upon me like a horde of angry Hell Hounds intent on ruining the last days of riding before the real cock and balls of the winter holiday season takes over next week. Soon I was in and out of an achy, fevered half-sleep in which I was hot as balls one minute and shivering like a hobo’s skank dog the next. Sleeping sucked and my 6 a.m. wakeup could not come soon enough.


Oddly enough when I woke up, the cough was only sporadic and there was/is no major snot issue… just more aches and pains and a bit of fever. I popped a couple of Tylenol, had some coffee and shuffled through my morning duties, hoping to return to the confines of The Chamber of Farts as soon as possible, where I would take a sad nap in lieu of a ride.


After a nap, more coffee, a hot, skin blistering shower and scarfing down my new lunch time food obsession (a Soiled Chunky Chicken Salad & Spinach Wrap) I was good to go. Well, not good enough to ride or workout, but good enough to skulk about the house doing whatever it is sick, jobless 43-year-old men that have no real future or career leads in sight do. I guess that would be writing this blog and looking at online job sites in between looking at a mind numbing Tumblr dashboard filled with mountain bikers being “rad,” porn, photography, espresso drinking road cyclists wearing hi-viz kits, football GIFS, people taking photos of smoothies served in mason jars and bearded lumbersexuals pretending to be outdoorsy in $300 jeans and $200 flannel shirts. Wow, being ill, really brings out my snarky side.  Oh well, hopefully it doesn’t last long and I can get some miles in before traveling next week.

Now to convince Wifey that she should let me drink several beers so as to flush the toxins from my system. Hmm… good thing I bought more sparkling water.


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