The Soiled Burger Project 01


So far this summer I have been struggling with my grilled hamburger skills. I’ve scoured the internet, flipped through magazines and even busted out some cookbooks looking for ideas, but so far, so not good. Everything has just been a bit bland. Hell, Wifey even recently declared that she’s “off burgers,” as she took a swig of Jack and threw the plate containing the half eaten burger against the wall, forcing me to tears (I made that up, Wifey doesn’t drink whiskey).

However, I am putting my early summer grill failures behind me and getting balls deep into trying to make a better, tastier hamburger all on my own (yes, I am aware that the use of the term “balls deep” may not be the way to start off a blog post about food. Sorry, it just worked).

Since my evening dinners will be void of grilled burgers until Wifey deems her palette ready for another go, I am resigned to working on building a better burger for my lunches. So after my ride today I set about making burger 01 of the Soiled Burger Project, an ongoing Cat 5 Cooking summer series devoted to my attempts to make what I believe is a better burger (welcome to the world of the unemployed). Your taste buds may differ, and yes, I am aware that referring to any food as “soiled” is not all that appetizing, I think we’ll all be OK…

It’s possible that my need for a strong tasting burger is due to a seemingly, not at all imagined, accelerated aging process, but I like to think otherwise. I like to think that I like strong flavors and tastes because I am adventurous, worldly and sophisticated, sort of like a talentless, less successful, generic, Wal-Mart knock off version of Anthony Bourdain.

“Mmm-mmmm. That is a tasty burger” – Jules Winnfield

Burger 01 is a strong, hit your taste buds with a meat hammer type of burger, that has an upfront sweet taste (due to the BBQ sauce) and a spicy smokey taste on the backside dude to the variety of spices used (nodding in the general direction of the paprika and cyan pepper I used).

Soiled Burger 01 ingredients:

  • 1/2 pound of 85/15 ground beef (I probably used less, but a 1/2 pound sounded good)
  • 1/4 teaspoon of kosher salt
  • 1/4 teaspoon of paprika
  • 1/4 teaspoon of cyan pepper
  • 1/4 teaspoon of garlic powder
  • 1/4 teaspoon of onion powder
  • black pepper to taste
  • 1/2 tablespoon of BBQ sauce



I like to live in a world where you know how to make a hamburger and grill it, but just in case: combine all the ingredients, knead through, form a patty, grill to your liking, put on a bun and eat.

I threw mine on a sesame seed bun and topped with some cheddar cheese, light mayo and lettuce from the garden. You could make two patties with the recipe for sure, but I am a gluttonous hog AND I had a great ride, at just under my (much slower than you) race pace on single track for an hour and a half, so I made one giant burger and mumbled “fuck it” through my grease covered lips as I scarfed it down.


I really enjoyed this burger, it was like having a burger at a Texas BBQ hosted by an Indian restaurant. Of course the fact that many Indians don’t eat beef sort of makes that analogy even more asinine than it already is. I’ll definitely make this burger again, but there are a few other burgers I want to try out first.

Overall Soiled Burger Project Score: 8/10

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