Debatably Better


It’s been a week since the girth of my flabby ass cheeks rubbed up against a bike saddle. During that time I ate and drank a LOT. Ham, beef, potatoes, pizza, whole blocks of cheese, sweets, cookies, beer, and gin fueled cocktails all found their way into the muffin-like stomach that spills over my too tight jeans. I also spent nearly fourteen hours in the car driving to and from Pennsylvania for the Christmas holiday. I slept like shit, ate like shit, and I’ve felt like a fleshy turd mentally and physically over the past week.

Now back into the frigid bosom of Michigan, I was given the choice to either run on the treadmill in the Stankment® or head out into the crisp air and wind for a Better Than The Trainer Ride™ in an attempt to make a dent in all that flab. With Monday calling for freezing rain and sleet, I chose to ride and save the indoor miserableness for Monday.


Sadly, this was the WRONG decision. After multiple rides in which I overdressed, I thought that I would cut back a bit. That was dumb and ruined the ride. With temps at 37˚ I thought I could get away with leg warmers, a jacket, and my regular shoes with double wool socks. However once a 15 MPH wind from the north/north-west was factored in, it was fucking miserable.

The warmth of the sun came out for about a minute, but the rest of the time I was getting pummeled with a cold wind. On top of that I was gagging on a shit ton of snot and was dry heaving about every five miles. Good times… good times…



I kept thinking that if I could make it to the right turn at mile thirteen I could ride a slight tail home and get all of the crap ride in. Instead at mile nine I said fuck it, turned around and headed home, getting roughly an hour of crap road riding in. I was NOT happy with myself.


Knowing that it was my fault which made the aborted ride so miserable was a tough pill to swallow, BUT once I was home and in a hot shower washing off the gobs of cold phlegm that littered my face like a bukkake star at the top of their game, I began to feel better about forcing myself outside. I regretted not doing the full Better Than The Trainer Ride™, but I still found myself happy to be out and doing something, ’cause sixteen years ago today life was anything but fun as I said goodbye to my mother who passed away after a LONG fight with multiple sclerosis. Better to ride and feel like shit as a cold wind slams against you than to not ride at all, or spend your morning in a hospital being told your mom is dead.

There were many good things that happened during 2015 but I am still looking forward to 2016. I have a few goals that I am itching to get started on, and a few that are going to be super tough to achieve on my own. Some goals may need a doctor, a shaman, and a qualified therapist to achieve. What evs, I’m up for it.

Glad to be home, looking forward to getting back into my routine of riding, not riding, working out in the Stankment® and being generally useless to society.


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