The First Year

I still don’t know how or why it happened; perhaps it was the medicine, continued therapy with the O.G. Mindbender, or the unwavering support of B and Wifey. Or maybe the universe just randomly flipped a switch in my mind that made me get brutally honest about the person I was becoming and helped me realize that I am not the sort of person who walks a mile and calls it a hike, eats whole deli hoagies for dinner, washes it down with four double IPAs¹, and then spends the next morning staring at the ceiling, regretting every life decision I’ve ever made and one major decision my future parents made in the late fall of 1970.

Whatever the reason, one year ago today (September 19th), I climbed out of the Bed of Torment, laced up some hiking shoes, and started the 2022 Not Dead Yet Comeback Special and 2023 Soil The Woods Tour. Yes, yes, I know that when you come to a blog called The Soiled Chamois, you would expect me to climb back on my bike, but you would be wrong [see this post for more of that story].

I thought that I would have much to write about after a year of lumbering in the woods, but it turns out I did most of that when I hit the 1,000-mile mark back in early July and as with that post the photos are “soiled file photos” because I’ve been taking less photos lately.

Before the stats, I will say this: I started walking in the woods first and foremost for my mental health and to fill the void of pushing myself physically that I no longer got or rather enjoyed from cycling after almost 30 years. Weight loss has been a happy byproduct, but I haven’t weighed myself at home in over a year and rely solely on what Doctor Bob tells me every few months.

One year of the Not Dead Yet Comeback Special and 2023 Soil The Woods Tour from 9/19/22 – 9/19/23

Total Hikes: 267
Total Days Not Hiking: 98
Total Distance: 1,241.69 woodsy miles
Average Distance: 4.65 miles per hike
Average Time: 1:22:23 per hike
Longest Hike: 8.12 miles on 8.18.23
Fastest Paced Lumber: 15:06 average over 6.22 miles on 5.17.23
Average Mileage Per Week: 23.9 (25 became the goal at some point)
Wipeouts: 1 (Ouch!)
Poops in The Woods: 2 in the woods, 2 in the campground porto.
Weight: Had been -34 lbs. I don’t weigh myself, but I see Dr. Bob in two weeks.

Hoka Speegoat 5s are now my fave shoes ever.

I have learned a ton about hiking at pace (lumbering), trail running, and hiking over the past year, and it has made me excited for the coming months and years when I hope to get to the point where I can do more actual trail running without hurting myself. This reminds me: I have spent more money on footwear, shoe inserts, braces, and foot health over the past year than I have my entire life! I’ve also learned to enjoy soaking my feet, a good self foot massage², and the taste of bug spray in the morning.

Onward and sideways!!!

Later.

1. Well, at least without earning it!
2. When I was a kid, I vaguely remember my dad saying I’d go blind from that and that an angry Jesus would shoot me in the head with a laser beam if I kept doing it,