Photo is NOT good enough, but all I got today.
The weekend consisted of one day of active rest and one day of absolute slack other than Sexy Time, and both were great. And when you add in the Chamois Mood Tax that was enacted during the first Trump administration, that brings it down to “pretty darn not bad.”
After a week thrown off by the Labor Day holiday, I was happy to return to my normal routine for doing stuff this week, and today was a planned “run” on my Standard 5-Mile Loop.
I like to do the same 5-mile loop once a week to gauge any increased fitness. Or, if I don’t improve, I can find ways to increase the mental and physical flogging that someone registered as a Self Loather is required to do by law in the State of Michigan.
“Hi, my name is Jason (shows ID badge); the State asks that I go door to door to inform neighbors that I am registered as a Self Loather. So, if you see me around the neighborhood and get that ‘I think I hate that guy’ feeling, this visit is to let you know that it’s OK; I hate me too, probably way more. If you have any questions or concerns about hating me, this card has the name and number of my therapist; feel free to contact her. She can give you even more reasons. Thanks, and have a great day. Also, your hostas are looking great. I think I overwatered mine.”
It was a perfect early fall morning with clear skies and comfortable temps, and I was feeling not bad on the trails; NOT great (the tax!), but good enough for someone who has never been a runner and doesn’t eat anything before attempting to run 5 miles because he doesn’t want to shit in the woods again and get monkey butt.
My first and last miles were OK, coming in at 11:35 and 10:59, but I couldn’t get the shitz in the middle below 12. Having said that, Mile 3 is always a bitch and has a steep sandy climb in it that I cannot imagine my body EVER running, but I somehow had what I think is my best time ever for that section today at 12:04. Woot!
There was a ton of sweat and gasping for air, as well as many thoughts of “Why the fuck am I doing this?” during today’s effort, but I was happy to get my 5-mile loop back under an hour at 59.27 with an average pace of 11:50 per mile.
Cheers to active rest weekends and getting back on track with my “not bad” fat white guy mediocrity. Also, cheers to the cashier at the grocery store today who asked for my driver’s license, looked, and then said, “You don’t look that old.” To which I replied, “You gotta moisturize every day. EVERY DAY!” Actually I just say, “Well, thank you.” But you really should.
I’m just glad I didn’t show her my Michigan Self Loather ID card by mistake. Instead, she would have said, “Yeah, I can see that, I don’t like you much either.”
Later.
