I started the 2022 Not Dead Yet Comeback Special (now the 2023 Soil The Woods Tour) a little over five months and 540 miles ago, and I have to say, outside of some nagging injuries here and there, the past few weeks have been the hardest.
Recent weeks have brought a steady pattern of at least one snowstorm a week, sometimes more, followed by ice, rain, freezing rain, thawing, freezing again, and more snow as we do it all over again. Meanwhile, just a few hundred miles away, temps are in the 70s! Since Michigan gotta Michigan, the new pair of hiking shoes I bought myself for completing 500 miles have barely seen dirt as I continue to stomp around the woods in stiffer hiking boots and snowshoes, or microspikes.
The never-ending freeze/thaw conditions have had me going from happily lumbering 5-mile woodsy hikes at a 16-minute mile pace (with photo stops) down to 3-mile snowshoe slogs through deep snow, with an increased average heart rate and a decreased average mile time.
Because of the increased time and work rate of the hikes and the additional winter duties needed around the Cul-De-Sac Shack, I have invoked the Winter Contingency Act, created by F.D.R. over 80 years ago.
The W.C.A. authorizes individuals such as myself to decrease their weekly total mileage goals from 25 to 20 with little to no cost to American taxpayers while allowing outdoor fitness enthusiasts a safe space to ward off depression, negative self-talk, body dysmorphia, and decreased motivation. To be clear, this is in no way meant to be a long-term program; it’s more of a bridge to help individuals make it through psycho-winters with their fitness goals intact and without the aid of treadmills or gyms. Without the W.C.A., I would be lost1.
Surprisingly, it seems I’m not alone with my beliefs. Ha!
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With my mileage goals temporarily lowered and my mind on spring, I continue to avoid the gym and get out in the woods as much as possible but also enjoy a large dose of housebound slack that includes drinking beer, editing photos, watching the footy, perfecting my homemade veggie burgers, crushing pasta, and listening to music before going to bed at 8 PM. Jeebus, when I write it out, it actually sounds like I MIGHT be surviving winter!
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Later.
- While you and I both know this is a bit of unfunny satire, I have no doubt that I will end up on a mid-Michigan political watchdog list created by American “patriots” (patriot is another word for being a fucking asshole) to curb government programs and “drain the swamp.” Maybe if I’m lucky, some of those “patriots” will try to kidnap me.