I remember back in the days when I thought I was “training” for mountain bike races (AKA, paying an exorbitant—borderline criminal—entry fee as a solo racer to ride my bike for a long time, become totally dehydrated, and destroy myself and my bikes in the name of perceived fun).
In those days I would follow a lightly researched, poorly self-prescribed plan that loosely followed periods of building, pushing, and recovery based on the periodization model “real” athletes follow that includes Base, Build, Peak, and Race. Since I have no inherent talent for bike racing, and a couple of 3rd place finishes were the best I ever had, mostly due to Solo attrition rates, this plan either worked extremely well or not at all.
Bird photos in post from last week’s short photo creep.
I haven’t raced anything with intent in over 10 years, and I no longer “train” for anything but lowering my cholesterol and getting back to a reasonable weight for a depressed, 51-year-old man who enjoys beer, pizza, and white-trash Mexican food. Still, I find myself looking back at a week or phase of “doing stuff” with an eye toward the building, pushing, and recovery phases. And I have to say, I think last week would have been considered a “push” week for me or a “build” week for you real athletes.
My end mileage goal was the same; at least 25 miles, but somehow from betweenst my aging, flaccid buttocks, I pulled out two 6+ mile hikes done at Lumber pace, one at casual picture-taking pace, and one 4.50 mile Lumber /Run pace. All this was when Michigan’s weather went from mid-40˚s and 50˚s to 80˚ overnight, and my fat boy sweat glands got amped up like a coke-fueled and pregnant white trash Floridian stripper working back-to-back shifts at Don’t Say Gayz just south of Tallahassee.
There was also an “active recovery” day, which included a Photocreep at Meridian Park takin’ bird pics, getting the Cul De Sac Shack ready for spring, cleaning a bunch of shit, watching footy, and drinking beer.
My final day was a “rest day” spent driving from MP to Lansing to Detroit to Lansing to Mt. P. so we could see the Bad Friends Live performance . Brennan and I are big fans of their comedy and YouTube show, and Wifey came along to see the wonderfully raunchy and hilarious spectacle1.
I haven’t had a week like that in a while, and it’s been cool to actually see some improvements in my fitness and see my body morph from being a depressed slob who couldn’t find the will to get out of bed on the nicest of days to someone who struggled with injuries attempting hikes last summer, to someone who can have a “push” week like I did last week and still have the energy to get shit done. All while not being a miserable prick.
As I finish this word salad, today I topped 700 miles hiked since September 19th, 2022. Also known as the day I ditched the Bed of Torment for hiking shoes and got outside.
2022 Not Dead Yet Comeback Special + 2023 Soil The Woods Tour Total Mileage:
702.59 since September 19th, 20222
***This is where I wanted to do a 700 Mile Club photo illustration using the 700 Club’s logo and a photo of Pat Robertson with purple dildos coming out of each ear and his eyes removed and replaced with images of a naked man’s taut buttocks. It still may happen, but the idea of Googling images of Pat Robertson is about as appealing as Googling images of fellow cult leader Ron DeSantis playing with his nipples and masturbating his micro penis whilst editing textbooks to make slavery look like a cool and a desirable employment opportunity for 17th century Africans in America who apparently came here of their own free will, probably on vacation.***
Horray for Lexapro, The O.G. Mindbender, Mindbender III (A New Hope), Wifey, B, climbing out of the Bed of Torment, and of course, for lightly researched, poorly self-prescribed training plans that loosely follow periods of building, pushing, and recovery based on the traditional periodization model, all while listening to your body to prevent injuries in your aging muscles and bones.
Later.
THE SOILED SOUNDS VIDEO OF THE POST
- Predictably, all that driving and getting to bed at midnight took a greater toll on my body than pushing the pace last week, but gahdamn, what a hilarious show, and I would do it again. I hadn’t been to a performance of that size, or even in a city besides driving through Pittsburgh, since Wifey and I saw comedian Marc Maron in Grand Rapids pre-COVID. Detroit has an amazing district (similar to Pittsburgh’s Northside now that we have moved 7 hours away) with multiple music venues, sports stadiums, restaurants, and plenty of parking.
- Note: This number does not include Photo Creeps, Treadmill Lumbers, or any other activity; only hikes in the woods.