A Guide To Edging

NOT REALLY QUARANTINED DAY ____.

I spent the whole of Friday edging¹.

I will now tuck my sophomoric humor away for a few sentences and say that this pandemic spring, I am in full-on bored white man Cul-De-Sac-Shack geekery and decided to go pick up an edger attachment for my cordless trimmer to edge and beautify the driveway and walks of the Shack. ²

The edger is good enough, but I got better results with a hatchet; a cleaner, more consistent cut was had in about the same time. Not to mention, swinging a hatchet is way more satisfying than standing behind a battery-powered tool struggling to look half as super-macho.

With all the time I spent goofing off at Home Depot and landscaping the vast (not really) estate, it was late afternoon before I knew it, and I still needed to make a quick run to the store for some craft-brewed and gin-like commercially distilled essentials. Goddamn, being white sure does work up a thirst!

With all that pre-3rd mid-life crisis decline bullshit behind me, I enjoyed my evening of slack. Then I went to bed early to stay up late playing a newly downloaded iPad synthesizer app about as poorly as any person could possibly play a newly downloaded iPad synthesizer app.

***

Saturday, I was up WAY before my pandemic norm of ten to a quarter after 10 o’thirty, coffeed up, dumped out, and was out the door for a cold and windy hike around Meridian Park before coming home to keep on edging³.

***

The walk was good enough; the winds were crisp and refreshing in their own way, I got some decent shots, blew a few good opportunities, and battled with my white whale (The American Bald Eagle I’ve been stocking for weeks, looking for a good shot.) before returning home for more edging, lunch, a shower, and some refreshments before rifling through the pandemic fridge for fatty, high carb supper ingredients.

Later.

1. Cue a whole bunch of sticky-keyed hits from folks not expecting to land on a semi-cycling-ish related blog. Sorry people, at 48, ain’t nobody got time for that. At my age, getting it done in less than 30 minutes without cramping up or stroking out is half the battle. But alas, I’ve said too much.
2. For today’s landscaping, you gotta go cordless. There is no debate. I’ve spent enough of my time cussing and untying extension cord knots. When I’m out there doing a job, I want the freedom of cordless. So, cut out the stress and start taking care of that lawn of yours. It’ll thank ya’ later.™
3. I wonder what the world record is for most time spent edging (the other edging)? I bet you Mike Pence unintentionally has the record. Can you imagine how long he’s been waiting to bust a nut with a dude? Just ONE nut! I feel bad for him. Just do it already Mikey, it’s 2020 for dog’s sake! The only people who are going to hate you are your homophobic followers and your orange-skinned piss-loving boss.