Barn Yard Hump Ride

Mondays are usually all over the place for me schedule wise, and are usually filled with doing all the stuff I avoided doing on the weekend. Because of that, they often contain little to no riding. Well that was before Operation Stop Looking Like a Fat Morrissey/Orange is The New Black Inmate began back in February! Now I am willing to sacrifice freelance commitments, husbandly duties, home repairs, cooked meals, and clean undies as I attempt to lose 50 pounds (40.6 to go).

So with that I threw myself out into the crisp Michigan morning with all the gusto of a hump happy bovine, and got in my second 30+ mile ride in less than 24 hours.

Conditions were cool and damp as I did the newly created 30 Mile North Loop in reverse. The photo above was taken during a hurried pee break, which brings me to yet another reason I like riding dirt roads more than paved roads: piss breaks are MUCH easier out on the dirt roads! Don’t get me wrong, these paved roads aren’t that busy, but when a car does approach it comes up on you pretty damn quick with no real cover. Of course given the cool temps and the fact that I just released the ol’ chap from nut hugging bibs, it takes on the form of a raw cocktail wiener found behind the stove. Not much to see (even if you squint), but you know mild mannered and shy I am.

Part of me knows that if I wasn’t so lazy I could swap out the studded tires on the Fatterson for some faster rolling rubber and ramble around the muddy dirt roads with it, or say “f*ck it” and grind a little bit more of the PrOcal’s expensive drivetrain down to ragged nubbins, but for now I’m content to just keep rolling paved roads on the Boone… or at least was passes for paved roads in central Michigan.

I’d like to hope that my streak will continue tomorrow, but sooner or later I’m gonna have to at least pretend to be a responsible adult who cares about things other than shedding his muffin top.

Screw it, it’s a scientific fact [not really] that fat shamed narcissism disguised as an attempt to make one’s doctor happy will always win out over responsibilities and commitments to others.


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