Crap iPhone photo.
Dog Dirt [noun], dog excrement.
Usage: “Jase, when you’re done eating that entire birthday cake, go clean up the dog dirt in the yard.”
My friend Florida Dave and I were recently texting each other about the term dog dirt and how we both believe that it originates from 1970s and 80s Western Pennsylvania. Mostly uttered by stressed out parents who have had enough of pet ownership. Apparently, according to Urban Dictionary, it can also be a vulgar sex act (don’t search it!), but for the sake of this post, it’s dog feecus.
Stay with me; this will almost make sense.
It’s been a while since I went through a body failure and folly phase like I’m going through now (Let us not forget things like the Connor McGregor incident of 2022).
Since the start of this year, I finally got my plantar fasciitis under control and felt great before a series of events collided to make for a painful March and now April.
First, there was a strained back muscle, then a jacked-up knee. Thankfully, a combination of stretching, strengthening, and some time on the bike in the Not So Stankment had me feeling good, and finally back on the trail this week, lumbering sort of pretty much pain-free for the first time in two weeks or so.
Then on Wednesday of this week, I took Jake (the dog) out for his morning wee in the dark; he fell over and got poop on himself. As I gingerly carried him back inside, I slipped my shoes off, laid him on the floor, and proceeded to clean him up as food-crazed, canine fatty, Lola (the dog) annoyingly scampered and jumped around in our faces way too excited for a morning lump of canned “lamb.”
There was a LOT of chaos happening, for 6:10 AM, and while dealing with it, I somehow stoved and rolled my toes under my foot and now have a swollen black and blue foot.
I will spare you the photo, mostly because the last time I posted photos of my feet, they ended up on the Euro fetish porn site SexyFüße.de in the gahdamn Mature category, and it took ages to get my podiatric life back and free from stalking Eurotrash. I refuse to let my feet be used as masturbatory fodder for feet freaks anymore!! Well, at least for free—Only Fans coming soon!
Despite the early morning injury I was still able to get 5.5 miles in later that morning in the ever-dank and cold woods before getting home to give Jake a proper bath.
I’ve cleaned the “dog dirt” in the yard numerous times recently, but the combination of two shitting dogs, darkness, spring mud, and a dog that can’t keep his balance for too long can often make the morning bathroom visits an adventure. Sadly, prior to yesterday morning, I have been the one on the shitty end of the stick most often, but I would rather hose off some shoes than have a black and blue swollen foot any day.
The evening was spent moving an ice pack from foot to knee and back again before going to bed and waking up with my foot even more black, blue, and swollen, something I totally expected due to my blood thinner. Still, I plan on getting out for some miles at some point today—toes crossed!
Several Hours Later…
Thankful to have been able to get another 6-mile lumber in today, especially after the way my foot looked this morning. Oddly enough, once in my hiking sneakers, it felt sort of OK, and these days, that’s good enough for me.
There was a steady mix of light rain and snow coming down through the entire hike, so I only had my phone with me for any photos. It’s not too much of a big deal since, aside from some snow over the winter and a few buds on the trees now, the woods have looked the same since November; brown, muddy, and near lifeless. Add in some dog dirt, and I might as well hike in my backyard.
Looking forward to spring springing for real sometime soon.
Time to go clean up more dog dirt.
Later.
P.S. Screw it, come at me foot lovers!
