Lola (the dog), or should I say, Lola the Hairy Food Slut, was up around 4:45 AM this morning, WAY before my 5:20 alarm, wanting food. She was denied, but once you hear a, shall we say, “robustly built” bulldog rambling down the steps like a herd of cattle to do whatever a hungry bulldog does alone in a dark living room, you never really fall back to sleep. However, I stayed in bed just to prove a point—I will not be bullied by my bulldog!!
When I did finally get up at 5:20, Lola excitedly chased me around the kitchen and then ran outside into the dark and cold to do her business, completely oblivious to the two deer standing roughly 20 yards away from her. This was on the heels of a 25-minute growling stare down with a large block of suet my neighbor had put in his yard for the critters two days ago. Deer? Who cares! Block of suet? I’LL KILL YOU DEAD!! Or at least relentlessly growl from a distance, while looking out the door window, safely inside my human’s house.
Upon letting her out, I saw that the Clickbait Snow Mongers were mostly right, and we did get snow overnight, roughly 4+ inches of new snow on top of the 5 or 6 inches we already had with light snow still coming down.
“Fuck this shit,” I muttered as I slid the patio door shut, knowing that my morning would not be spent in the woods, but shoveling out our driveway and avoiding the want to crack a beer at 8:45 AM (I joke, I joke, it’ll be later for the Real Madrid vs. City match).
Luckily, Wifey is working from home today, so there’s no hurry to get it done before daylight, and I could take a few minutes to rewire my brain for what the blustery day might hold.
After several cups of coffee and reading what I call news these days (UK footy news, some photography sites, foodie pages, hardcore pornography, and a look at my self-censored, muted, and blocked to avoid any hint of world news Instagram feed), I was bored and the sun was still not even thinking of coming up.
So, with Wifey getting her last minutes of sleep before her alarm, and in need of breakfast myself, I decided that 6:30 AM was the perfect time to pull a Soiled Sausage, Potato, and Cheese Breakfast Frittata out of my ass. And I am so glad I did!!
After pre-heating the oven to 350˚, I prepped my “sausage,” which is 93% lean ground turkey, salt, black pepper, poultry seasoning, and a hint of smoked paprika. Well mixed, and then cooked and crumbled on the stovetop.
While the sausage was cooking, I threw a medium-sized russet potato in the microwave for 6 minutes or until tender to the touch. Once done, I removed the skin and gave it a rough dice.
When the sausage was nearly done, I added the potatoes and gently mixed them all together before lowering the heat and tending to my eggs.
I used six eggs and removed three of the yolks before adding salt, pepper, a dash of Adobo seasoning, and mixing thoroughly.
I then added a hint more olive oil to my pan of sausage and potatoes before pouring in the eggs and gently mixing them through.
With the mixture cooking on low to medium heat, I then added a handful of shredded mild cheddar and gave the eggs a few pokes to push some of the cheese down further.
As soon as the eggs started to show signs of setting, I turned off the heat and put them into the 350˚ oven for about 10 minutes. The eggs were firm but not dry, the cheese was melty, and all that was left was to let it cool for a few seconds before sliding it onto a large plate, cutting, and serving it up for myself and Wifey, who was now sitting at the kitchen counter, her pasty Irish genes lured downstairs by the scent of potatoes.
We were both stoked with how it turned out, and I had to serve it up and put the leftovers immediately away before we devoured it like Lola-esque Hairy Food Sluts. Next time, I’ll scale down the “recipe” in my head.
Ma Nature handed me lemons this morning, and I made lemonade with them in the form of an excellent breakfast frittata that took less than 20 minutes to make, and will fuel my snow shoveling and bitching about the Michigan weather for hours to come.
Time to think about shoveling out the driveway of the Cul-De-Sac-Shack and putting the beer on ice (I’m still joking). The area schools cancelled classes today, so that means the county will be in NO hurry to plow the roads, and I will be in no hurry to leave the house other than for shoveling duties.
The trails and the snow will still be there tomorrow, and I will hopefully be there too, lumbering along.
Later.
— FINAL NOTES —
If you read this, or even part of it, I urge you not to take this shit seriously. It’s my way of A. killing time, and B. goofing on food and recipe blogs that, while often useful, can be annoying with their long-windedness, overcomplicated tips, and annoying reader questions like the following…
Q. My husband doesn’t like ground turkey. Can I use regular sausage?
A. No! Tell your husband you want a divorce, and start sleeping around with your neighbor, the one who can cook and knows that regular sausage is made with lips and assholes.
Q. My family prefers raw eggs. Do I really need to cook the frittata?
A. Absolutely not! Just dump the egg mixture in and serve. Then enjoy watching your dumbass family endure 24 to 48 hours of nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, abdominal cramps, and fever.
Q. Do I have to put potatoes in?
A. You do know, it’s your life, and you can do whatever the fuck you want, right?