No Cure For Stupid


From my records (records = this crap blog) it seems that it’s been well over a year and a half since I lined up for a race. I’ve gone to races, photographed races, talked about races, wrote about races and peed in the woods at races, but somehow I’ve managed to avoid racing for 1 year, 8 months, 25 days and counting. During that time I’ve gained weight, rode less, then rode more, still gained weight, rode anyway ’cause that’s just what I do and all but forgot what it’s like to put out any sort of race day effort. So, it makes perfect sense that I signed up for the Fat Chance at Crystal Mountain this coming Saturday.

I’m a moron.


Standing in the woods taking photos last Saturday AM.

I guess standing in the woods photographing other people race last Saturday got me lusting for freezing my ass off and feeling like my chest is going to explode like and overripe tomato in the hands of an angry psychotic. Oh well, I gotta start back sometime, it might as well be in 25˚ temperatures on snow.

I guess there is the added bonus that it’s sponsored by Short’s Brewing, which is perfect since I fell off the wagon with a meat hammer to chicken breast thud last weekend, thus ending Boozeless January on Day 13 of the journey. Oh well, it was a good effort and despite two days of blissful evenings of beer enjoyment whilst xBox-ing and watching DVRed footy, 14 out of the past 16 days (and counting) have been alcohol free; pretty good progress if I say so myself (not really) for someone looking to reduce beer flab, especially for a depressed, jobless, uneducated, unskilled, forty-four year old buffoon such as myself who often has little to look forward to during the week other than enjoying some beers on the weekend.

But I digress. I suppose I should stop in the shop and see why half of the Fatterson’s gears don’t work and maybe put in a hard effort or two on the trainer before Saturday to wake my legs up. I would say some hard efforts outside, but since last week’s rain, on top of existing snow, was followed by plummeting temperatures, all of central Michigan is like a flat, chunky piece of solid ice. Walking to get the mail is hard enough to do without breaking a collarbone, let alone riding a bike. Thankfully points north have got snow and should make for good racing this weekend. I think that’s 90% of why I want to do the race. If I can’t ride here, I might as well drive an hour and a half , pay, and “race” on a groomed course.

Current race goals:
1. Don’t die during race.
2. Finish
3. Finish in at least 19th place so as to bask in mediocrity. Hmm, me thinks I might need more folks to register in Men’s Open, 19th seems like sort of a lofty goal given what’s hanging over my belt these days.


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