Last week, I was able to hit my abbreviated winter 20-mile goal in four days, and then I once again proclaimed that the next three days would be spent alternating between time in the basement on the trainer/treadmill and the appropriate amount of recovery slack. One day out of three ain’t bad.
I was back in the woods for a lumber today, and I’m not going to lie to you; it was pretty much just like the rest of the week. Cold but moderate temps, snow on the ground, the sun behind the grey clouds, and my fat ass stumbling down the trail in search of miles in my feetz.
I will spare you any more details of another dull hike, but I will say I did hit my (abbreviated for winter) 20-mile weekly goal, and that leaves me with three days to hit the trainer in the basement and to slack as needed.
As previously mentioned, Monday was a mush-fest on the trails, and I was this close *does that thing where you pinch two fingers together to show just how close it was* to aborting today’s lumber and parking my ass on the trainer in the basement for some fake bike riding.
The easiest thing you can do to secure coveted slack status in the world of “doing stuff” outdoors is to not go outdoors. And I nailed that shit this weekend!
I think it might have something to do with my recently departed father, but I have been craving Hamburger Helper. I’ll explain.
Back when I was a kid in the mid-80s, the factory my dad worked at shut down, and he was out of work for two or three years as mill after mill in the Western Pennsylvania area closed. During that time my mother worked as a receptionist for a doctor, and my dad was put in charge of getting me dinner.
Chili, hot dogs, box mac ‘n’ cheese, chili, cheap fast food, frozen french fries, more chili, and, of course, LOTS of Hamburger Helper were all part of our weekly menus.
Every one of my lumbers this week has been nearly the same. Oddly, that’s not really a bad thing.
The loops were all five miles in length, or just over. The temps were warmer (in the 20s and low 30s compared to -2˚ last week); however, while warmer, the temps have not been warm enough to melt the snow in the woods, barring a few small areas that receive direct sunlight. And that meant continuing to lumber over lumpy, slippery snow that makes for slow going, adding handfuls of minutes onto my average pace and taking its toll on my knees and darkened mind.
But hey, all that is just me trying to make my lumbers in the woods sound like something like more than a fat man walking trails in a futile attempt to feel better about himself.
As January weeks go, this one has been pretty darn OK-ish so far. I mean, after recent weeks, it really didn’t take much to improve, but I’ll take it.
Even by my extremely low standards, last week was not a great week in my world of quinquagenarian, repetitive, borderline autistic, outdoor fitness micro-adventures. Between multiple days of extreme cold and one day of bad luck trying to get to the trails, I found myself on the treadmill in the basement three times last week, including before the football started on Saturday morning. That’s three more times than I wanted.
With that said, my winter beer belly recently informed me that I needed to get back to running and high-intensity heart rate Zone 3 and 4-type shit, so I guess it wasn’t all bad. After a month or so of slow, wintry slogs, it felt good to see my heart rate hitting 160 or more during my intervals. And I didn’t stroke out and get shot off the back of the treadmill like a belt-propelled fatty turd, so that’s a bonus.
After a few days out of the woods and in the Not So Stankment on the treadmill, it was awesome to return to lumbering outside on Thursday morning and doing 5.28 miles as the flakes fell. And the temps were 20 degrees warmer, which felt like a heatwave compared to -2˚ earlier in the week.
The lumpy snow and ice continue to make for slow speeds as well as doing a number on my ankles, knees, and hips, but compared to past winters where I was dealing with such things as raging plantar fasciitis in both feet and a painful corn that wouldn’t heal on a pinky toe, things aren’t too bad.
My three-day streak of nothingness continues (sort of).
The 2025 Ignorance is Bliss Tour (#stayignernt) has hit a snag in the form of no actual lumbering happening outdoors due to the extreme cold and my lack of owning “extreme” cold weather gear. I’m pretty good with the stuff I have down into the single digits, but extended time below-zero type stuff starts to be “shit for the birds,” as Grandma Helen used to say. I also have little desire to be out in such temps, especially since my camera battery would hold a charge for about 10 minutes in -4˚ temps (the temp as of 8:25 AM) and leave me with nothing to distract me from said extreme cold.