After my 3-mile hike at Deerfield Park on Sunday with my old beat-to-hell Canon s95 point-and-shoot camera, I was eager to get back for more hiking and shooting with something, not a 12-year-old pocket camera. However, first I would have to suffer through some time in the gym on Monday to make me feel like I’m not following through on past threats to slack through my AARP years while waiting for the dogs above to call me home.
This is part one in a nine-part travelogue devoted to a recent two-day trip to Boyne City. I jest, it’s two parts, and you are under no obligation to read a word. — Management.
Earlier this week, Wifey and I went on a mid-week “weekend excursion” to the Boyne City, Michigan area to do some hiking, some beaching, and some celebrating of our 25th wedding anniversary. We would also acknowledge my 51st birthday, which would be coming two days later and have me making the turn on to the back nine of life.
As this needless blog’s author, it is vital that I come up with new and fantastical ways to convey stories about my trivial life. This was super easy when racing bikes or at very least riding them. But these days, I am just another fat middle-class white guy on the conveyor belt of life looking for the tiniest shreds of happiness to get me through one day and on to the next. Goddamn, I love the smell of hyperbole in the morning!!
All semi-truths and joking aside, as much as I love writing this shit show, and sharing photos, some weeks I struggle to post anything at all. Some of that is laziness, some of that is time restraints, and some of that is a raging case of why can’t you just be like everyone else in the world and post your photos, kooky opinions, and unfunny sophomoric witticisms on Twitter, Facebook, TikTok, and Instagram?
This post comes to you with all the enthusiasm of a blind man entering a strip club. Of course, based on some of the strip clubs I’ve unfortunately been in during the early “bachelor party days” of my life (looking at you, Hi-Way Playground in Washington County, PA, circa 1996 with your free stage-side pizza), that’s probably a good thing. I digress.
It’s been a minute or two years since my last Macro Monday post, and I’m not going to start today. Mostly because it’s Wednesday, not Monday, and I took the photos on Sunday, which means Monday has fuck all to do with anything.
In all my 17+ years of writing this shit-show, I finally find myself with a bit of writer’s block. Whilst the masses rejoice in knowing they are safe from my long-winded posts of sophomoric humor, tales of self-loathing, sub-par chubby middle-aged white guy pseudo adventures, and nonsensical word salad, I bemoan my stifled mind.
Like Al Camus (not that one, the Al Camus that works at Marty’s Bar washing dishes) once said, “sometimes you have to look over your shoulder before you can fail.” And that, my friends, is why I am here today.
Just a quick post to prove that I’m still alive. I know the value of that is questioned by many, including myself, but I’m still here, just like that faded mustard stain on your favorite Superchunk t-shirt1. It’s just that life has been busy with many un-blog-worthy things.
On Friday, I found myself oddly void of the desire to visit the Caligula-like setting of the gym and all of its sweat, testosterone, and cluster bomb pheromone attacks camouflaged in Gymshark tights. Instead, I opted to get some shit done and then do a short photo walk at Meridian Park. This obviously did nothing for my rotund shape but did get me out of the house, and somedays, that’s all that matters.
It’s Friday morning, and I’m writing this to kill some time before going to the gym to lift heavy things for no reason. I am also writing in an attempt to cajole the last shreds of motivation in my mind into doing such an absurd thing. I feel like a sassy $5 hooker talking up my game to any pedestrian walking down my side of the street. And as you might imagine, motivational talk from someone who is blindly confidant yet so clearly undervalues their talents is not great. Of course, I’m also trying to quash the mental snapshot of myself wearing a crop top, booty shorts, pink wig, fishnets, and combat boots as I hustle my side of the cul de sac. “$5, and I’ll show you the time of your life. Where else are you gonna get chlamydia this good? ‘Cmon, baby.” Or something like that.
