Posts Tagged → The 2024 Lumber Through Hell Tour

Keepin’ It Dank

In Friday’s post, I made a ridiculous and bold proclamation that I would do some treadmilling to offset the beers I planned on consuming whilst watching the football all weekend. I have no shame in admitting I did no such thing.

A week of lumbering 25+ miles in the cold, dank woods had my aging bones perfectly content to be warm inside, close to a kitchen stocked with food and adult beverages, with slippered feet up while sitting in my favorite chair, remote in hand, yelling at the TV, and being a goof as two bulldogs fart, burp, snore, and stink up the living room. It’s kind of my weekend “thing.”

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Wookies, Flakes, & Lumbers

Thursday morning, Jake (The Dog) woke me up out of sound sleep just before the alarm with one of his patented Wookie growls that sounds like Chewbacca is being “taken” against his will in the showers of a Death Star prison. This is Jake’s way of telling me that it’s time for me to get my flaccid white man ass downstairs and haul his ass out in the yard to pee. It’s a startling way to awaken, to say the least.

Slippers on, gutchies buttoned up, flashlight between the teeth, and Jake slung over my left arm (the one with rampant tendonitis in the elbow from doing this 4+ times a day, every day), I threw open the back door, stepped out into the darkness, and there they were.

First Flakes: Thursday, November 21st at 6:02 AM

Mark it, dude.

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Tales of The Mundane

I am blessed by the dogs above with the ability to write about the most mundane, stupid shit and force people (not really) to read about it. You’re welcome. — Management

Just as I knew in my heart going into 2024 that it was going to be a shit show of a year, I knew for over a week going into Monday that it would be a shit show of a day.

Until it wasn’t.

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Notes on Names & Bangs

As previously discussed, Friday was Deer Day here in Michigan. One side of my brain was telling me to take the day off so as not to slam my head into a wayward bullet that was unable to stop itself from crossing into the park. And the other part of me was saying, “fuck it” you only have to get a couple miles in, and your week is done. I went with fuck it.

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Slack and Thereafter

After I finished tending to the last of the leaves on Friday, I showered and headed out for weekend provisions. That would be the last time I left the open borders of the Cul De Sac Shack for 48 hours.

No, I wasn’t depressed and hunkered down in The Bed of Torment or hiding out from the roving gangs of newly deputized MAGA Brownshirts rounding up the Libs, freethinkers, educated, and creatives for the internment camps; I simply had no reason to go out—so I didn’t. And it was pretty darn OK.

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Lumens, Lumbers, and Deer

I was up and in the woods at 7:30 AM today with 500 lumens strapped to my head, a full 40+ minutes before the sun fully rose.

It’s been a good 15 years since I consistently recreated outdoors in the dark. However, I’m in the Fall stretch of the 2024 Lumber Through Hell Tour, as well as the actual Living Hell that is 2024 America. So, I like to get out for my lumbers, home to run any errands, and back inside before the bulk of rightwing, mid-Michigan rim-lickers start their day of stupidity and fascist idol-worshiping.

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