Since my last post, I have been up to very little other than shoving Imodium down my throat like their candy and working out in the Not-So-Stankment to avoid any roadside bowel evacuations.
Archive | Random
Rides & Bacon Strips
Wednesday, I needed to shoot over to the local lab to get some bloodwork done, and then it was home to the savory arms of a 225 calorie Soiled Egg Sammich1 before getting into some kit, looking at myself in the mirror, thinking about taking the kit off and downing a bottle of gin, aborting that boozy plan for some reason, and then going for a short 20-mile dirt road ride that hurt like it was 120.
Day One Again
It’s become clear to me, via my bathroom scale, that my self-imposed extended layoff from riding has not helped (in ANY way whatsoever) my attempt at getting back to being a “husky” man who is a whisker under being morbidly obese. No offense to my fellow “husky” and “morbidly obese” friends and neighbors. “For there are many,” sayeth Luke. Luke, the dude that hangs out at the skatepark, not Luke of the Bible book.
Trees and Sand
We’ll start this unneeded post back on Friday, ’cause that was the next time I did something since the last time.
As I sat and sipped my A.M. coffee on, I started to get the itch to ride. Knowing that I am full-on mother fucking out of shape and the heat outside was some real swamp-ass type stuff, I knew it wouldn’t be a long ride, but I wanted outside. The plan was to ride the paved mid-Michigan pathway (or whatever the fuck it’s called) from MP towards Shepherd, then jump off for some dirt roads and then back. All in all, it would be about a 20-mile lollipop of a loop with a dogleg left and a cul-de-sac.
But it never happened.
Early Dog Days
It seems as if the Dog Days of Summer have arrived before summer even has; it hasn’t rained in weeks, the temps hover around 90˚, I sweat like a preacher (AMEN!) and that strange summertime boredom that usually doesn’t hit me until August has set it. At least until my bikes are healthy and in-country (rear-wheel repair and new bike build), the weather cools a bit, and I feel like leaving the house for more than a sweat-soaked hour at a time.
Oh well, the nine months of Michigan winter will be back soon enough, so I will reserve my bitching for then.
Still No Mojo
Note: This post may or may not sound like I’m a six-pack of beer and a 5 gallon-sized bag of weed into the weekend, but I assure you it’s only fueled by coffee, too much time on my hands, and cold rain pelting against my office window.
Nothing and Awards
I type this with one goal in mind: get to the end. Fast.
Dang Quesadillas!
Like the potent, sour smell of the men’s room in the mall, I’m back.
Other Stuff
It’s been a while since I felt the need to post here. To be honest, I still don’t feel the need to post here, yet here we are.
Advice Sort of Taken
The following is a conversation I had with my editor yesterday. I sort of took her advice.
Me: Guess what, I did it!
Stacy B: Did what?
Me: I went back to the gym.
Stacy B: Oh.
Me: I’m going to write a blog post about it.
Stacy B: Hmmm… Literally, no one will care.
Me: Why not? It had been over a year of daily COVID beers, very little exercise, and the fewest miles ridden on my bike in over 25 years; don’t you think people will want to read about it?
Stacy B: No.
Me: Seriously?
Stacy B: Seriously, no.
Me: So you’re saying that even if I tell the world about the beginnings of Operation Pec-Lift II and how the gym was better than I thought in COVID times—especially being fully vaccinated—that no one will want to read about it?
Stacy B: I can’t imagine someone bored enough to read about some non-athlete dad going to the gym to lift a few weights. But what do I know? I just work here. Do you have any coupons or bottle slips?
Me: No.
Stacy B: That’ll be $124.98. Cash back?
Me: No thanks.
Stacy B: Good luck with your exercising and stuff. You might want to try cutting back on empty calories and maybe do some incline chest presses.
Me: Yeah… yeah. Thanks. Are you sure that no one…
Stacy B: NO!!!!
Me: OK!! OK!! Thanks.
Stacy B: Thanks for shopping at Meijer.
Later.