Tag Archives | family stuff

I’m NOT homesick!

By soiledchamois on February 15, 2015 in Random

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I woke up today around 8 a.m. when Wifey came in the bedroom to fetch her eye glasses. I assumed she had been by my side all night, but it turns out she fled the room at some point, claiming that it got “too hot” in the bedroom. Since it was roughly -15˚ outside, I doubt that was true and this was most likely her way of telling me that the baked ziti I made for our Valentine’s Day celebration had taken the form of a vile, warm, humid gaseous cloud of digested red wine, garlic and sausage and had exited my flabby rears way too much though the night and had caused her to seek refuge elsewhere. Much apologies to my ginger haired, bosomy Valentine of what is now 20 years. You deserve better…much, much better. But I’m sure you know that already.

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Trainers, Spuds & Dogs

By soiledchamois on February 10, 2015 in Cat 5 Cooking

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My mid-winter blog posts generally fall into four possible topics: riding my fatty outside, cooking up grub, riding the trainer, or Jake (the dog). The first of those topics is only mildly interesting, even to my closest of friends and family (even that is a stretch). The other three topics could surely be left unwritten about by me, especially on what purports itself to be a cycling blog. Well, since I didn’t ride outside today, I figured, I’d go ahead and talk about all three of those other things. Like they say, if you throw enough shit (or in this case shitty blog topics) against a wall, something is bound to stick.

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Excuses

By soiledchamois on January 14, 2015 in Random

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Over the past twenty-plus years or so I’ve made my way from being an obese 300 pound tub-o’-goo, to a pretty fit 170 pound, unsuccessful amature endurance mountain bike racer, to a 200+ pound, craft beer drinking, white-trash Mexican food eating, not so skinny cyclist just trying to stay in shape. During that time I’ve missed my share of workouts and rides. No big deal, we all miss workouts or rides for one reason or another: work, school, family commitments, illness, or the occasional bout of “fuck it.”

However, given my increasing paunch and ever slowing speed on the bike, along with life’s normal interferences, it’s pretty obvious that I miss more than my fair share of rides due to a lengthening list of crap excuses: it’s raining, it’s too muddy, cold, windy, foggy or hot. I have indigestion, severe manscape irritation, hot Mexican salsa bung, I just did a long ride (last week), I sort of have a headache, etc., etc.,

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Easing Back Into It

By soiledchamois on December 30, 2014 in Random

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The past week was its normal whirlwind of December holiday madness: travel, no riding, family visits, eating, weight gain, gift giving, gift receiving, more eating, occasional vomitorium visits (followed by quick weight loss), Boxing Day footy watching, a dash of stress, mild boredom, more weight gain, and lastly more travel (to which I set a personal record, making it from Pittsburgh to Mt. Peezy in 6:01, crushing my old record by 14 minutes!).

I always bitch about the holidays (mostly because I loathe them like an annual bout of gonorrhea), but every year they turn out pretty darn OK. Every year I look up at the faces I grew up with and those who helped create me, as well as the family I married into and realize that like it, love it, or not, these are the people in my world. Like they say, you can pick your friends but you can’t pick your family. Despite all the differences that we choose not to really get into and are content to leave hovering on the surface of our mental skins like infected spider bites, they are good people. There are lots of folks out there with worse problems, that’s for good-Goddamn sure.

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Holiday Blog Break

By soiledchamois on December 23, 2014 in Random

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Going on a blog break until after the Christmas holiday. Normal crap blogging will resume next week. I’m sure I’ll be sharing my own brand of holiday ~~misery~~ cheer on the Twitters and the Instagrams during that time.

Have a swell holiday.

Later.

A Brief Respite

By soiledchamois on December 21, 2014 in Cycling, Random

After 3.5 days of being ill, it was so awesome to wake up on Friday morning and not feel like I’d been drug through the street by a group of angry Stevie Wonder fans. It was even nicer to get me and my Goblin-ish chins and belly on the treadmill for a three-mile lumber, and nicer still to get out for a quick but satisfying 1:45 ramble on Michiganderburgh dirt roads via the Farley on Saturday. But…

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Cold, Fat & Dirty

By soiledchamois on November 2, 2014 in Cycling

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For the past couple of weeks, winter has slowly been poking its frozen nose into mid-Michigan. Thankfully, there has been no long-term success. Successful or not, the past week was gray, cold and windy. Christ, I literally hadn’t seen the sun since late last Tuesday afternoon and it was so windy Friday that riding was made impossible, with winds gusting anywhere from 10 to 50+ MPH at times! I am pretty sure I saw a small child blow by the kitchen window at one point.

For the most part, the week was real warm bath and razor blade type weather, and the two days I was able to ride, it took every ounce of mental will power I had to force my jiggling muffin top out the door for a ride. It’s not that conditions were THAT bad, it’s that I am that mentally weak and apathetic.

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Scary OK

By soiledchamois on October 13, 2014 in Cycling

After Friday’s sandy slug-fest aboard the Farley, I spent Saturday being a soccer dad and then later hanging out with Wifey watching bad TV and drinking a few beers. On Sunday I did the whole soccer dad thing all over again, but afterwards headed up to MMCC for a lap on the Superfly.

There is nothing quite like spending a week riding a fat bike then switching to a carbon, full suspension race bike. It felt really, darn OK and it was great to get out and enjoy a semi-warm and sunny fall Michigan day, especially since I think it’s supposed to be nasty all this week. Great.

The only downfall to the ride was seeing one section of trail done up with ghosts, gravestones and other Halloween type accoutrements as the college readies for the “haunted trail” thing they do every fall for kids. Nothing against Halloween, I just hate seeing the stuff ’cause it reminds me that the Tri-Fecta of Misery that is Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years will soon be here, followed by four to six months of cold, dark, Hoth-like weather (depending on what Ma Nature decides for Michigan in Winter 2014/15). Sigh.

Hoping, praying, and crying into my pillow that having a worth-while fat bike to ride and race will help ease the pain of the coming winter… well, that booze, antidepressants and if I can get my hands on some; horse tranquilizers.

Speaking of racing and the coming winter, the Northern Michigan Fat Bike Series Festival of Lights race at Timber Ridge on December 21st will MOST likely be my first fat race of the season. Still have to see what races Fun Promotions does this year and weigh the options (distance, price, etc.,). Not matter the event, after a season of little riding and racing I sure to put on one hell of a frozen shit show. Stay tuned for all that.

Riding may be sparse this week, so blogging will be too [collective groans now heard internet-wide].

Later.

I Feel Wham!

By soiledchamois on October 3, 2014 in Cycling

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It’s been some time since my last post. I figured it was best not to post since the weather has been windy, rainy and crap-tastic, I haven’t been riding and I’ve been taking the Black Dog for a long, LONG walk of late. People barely want to read about an old, fat dude riding his bike, let alone read about an old, fat, depressed dude NOT riding his bike. Sigh (drink)… Those days are now sort of, almost, not quite behind me now, and I have moved on (sort of) by getting a new bike that I have no right to have really got (Is that right? It doesn’t sound right… gotten?..purchased?… fuck it, we all know I’m an ass hat).

Thanks to selling some shit, a generous Wifey and the amazing bare assed folks (don’t ask) at Terry’s Cycle in beautiful downtown Alma, Michigan, my winter racing and riding plans are now as solid as a post-Golden Corral buffet bowel movement: KAPLUNK!!! Yep, today I took delivery of the very black and very anodized Trek Farley 6. It’s sort of like Jay Z and Wham! guest starring on Drop Dead Diva. I have to say, I am pretty darn, nonplussed about it.

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Finally Back At It

By soiledchamois on September 22, 2014 in Cycling

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After six days off the bike due to illness and a quick weekend get-a-way to Chicago with my family unit, I was FINALLY back on the bike today. If you’re reading this blog you most likely ride bikes, OR you got here Googling photos to satisfy some bizarre, crap covered chamois fetish you have. You disgust me! Welcome to the blog.

No matter how you got here, bike ridin’ type folk know that time off the bike sucks, and that it sucks even more when you’re off the bike due to coughing up snot and sludge for five days. Most will also know that the first ride back from such a break simultaneously rocks and sucks.

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