It seems the beginning of 2020 has left me paralyzed with nothingness. Wait, no, that’s way too hyperbolic. Actually, I’ve just been a fleshy ball of slack and the innocent victim of uninspired connubial relations betweenst mythological weather makers.
We’ve had two weekends in a row of snow and ice, and I usually dig getting out and stomping around the snowy woods with my camera, but these days, instead of Ma Nature and Jack Frost coming together in a passionate orgasm of snow ripe for snowshoeing or skiing, we most often find ourselves dealing with a pre-ejaculated snowstorm, followed quickly by freezing rain and slush before one of the partners previously mentioned above, throws a frigid cold shoulder and turns everything to a frozen hellscape perfect for drunken housebound slack and broken hip avoidance in the gym sweating away on cardio machines and weight stacks with narcissistic musclebound Instagramming fitness freaks, Fit But Fat chubbies (like myself), New Year’s Resolutioners, and nubile coeds repulsed by my sweaty dad bod as I attempt not to move up another pants size.
“You’re a weather maker
Snow maker, a winter taker
Don’t you mess around, no no no”
– Weather Maker by Not Pat Benatar
So yes, I’ve “done stuff,” meaning I’ve gone to the gym 4 to 5 times a week, and all of my regular dad/husband duties, but the weather has been shit, and I found myself struggling to find inspiration to get outside with my camera.
The closest I’ve come to photographic inspiration of late has been walking the vast estate (that’s a joke) of the Cul De Sac Shack looking at dead leaves or using Lola and Jake (the dog) as willing models for my need to press the shutter button.
I’m sure things will improve, but for now, I really need Jack Frost and Ma Nature to work on their sexy time antics and let us here in mid-Michigan enjoy the scattered frozen seed, and dopamine fueled wintry glow of their trysts.
OK, I’m done. Off to do exciting things like grocery shop and see how many times I can use the word “connubial” in conversation.