Posts Tagged → being an idiot

Winter’s Knock Out

These days, I’m not so much hiding from winter as I am beat down by winter like an aging heavyweight boxer lying on the mat, dazed, confused, with blood and spittle running from my slackened jaw as my eyes struggle to focus on what is happening around me before accepting fate, and closing them. *cue soundtrack*

But hey, it’s February, and like the saying goes, “new month, same old cold, miserable, bullshit.”

Obviously, I am riding a wave of hyperbole and caffeine this morning, as I recap a week of nothing. For that, I make no apologies.

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Snow Glow & A Woodsy Hike

After making breakfast, cleaning the kitchen, and seeing Wifey off for a day in the office, I collected my gear, opened the garage door, and saw a steady snow falling.

I wasn’t thrilled to be driving as it snowed (part of the aging process, I suppose, like sporting large tufts of ear hair, unkept eyebrows, and sagging scrotums tucked in socks), but a quick look at the radar showed that it should be over soon.

With that, I took off like a herd of turtles, and as I was nearing the park, the bright orange sun was now rising over the trees in the farm field to my left, and was made more luminous by flakes in the air. I couldn’t help but stop on the empty dirt road to admire the glow and snap a pic.

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Paging Mister Torrance

I knew better to look at the weather app on my phone when I woke up this morning, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hopeful the weather goofs were wrong.

I, like most “dad types,” have a strange morbid fascination with extreme weather events. I think it’s brought forth from the same gene that some of us have for things like gas passing, belching, boogers, shaving scum, earwax, and turd size.

Anyway, the forecast was not wrong, telling me that it was -7˚F. With that, I immediately knew that an outdoor lumber was not on the table today. Well, at least not for me.

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More Wintry Lumbering

After getting 30 miles of lumbering in 5 days last week, I took the weekend off to slack and watch footy. The slack went fine, but the footy was lackluster with Spurs losing at home yet again, 2-1 in the dying minutes of stoppage time to West Ham, who are in the gahdamn relegation zone! I continue to hate them. Moving on…

I was eager to get back in the woods on Monday, and got to the trails just as the dark night turned to dark grey daylight.

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Getting Miles, Using Deer

Our flirtation with sunlight ended, and we were back to steady snow and winter slop today. Slop that wasn’t due to hit until mid-morning, and slop that I had hoped to avoid driving in by getting to the trails early. But it turns out the weather goofs were wrong, and a steady wet snow fell for nearly the entire lumber. Such is life, whatever.

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Shameful Motivation

After Saturday morning’s loud clackity-clack-clack of a lumber on the still icy trails, and the remaining weekend filled with slack, sloth, and existential outdoor fitness ennui, on Monday, I found myself hurling Escape II down the road towards the trails and another lumber.

Saturday afternoon, we got around 2″ of wet snow, and it turns out it was just enough to cover the ice and allow for more grip, less ass cleching, and way less ice-crunching noise. Yes!

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Opting For Slack, Clean Showers

The week started with two days of indoor lumbering/running (not affiliated with the 2026 Soiled and Ignorant Tour), and was followed by two days and 8 miles on trails covered with solid ice, slush, and standing water. Which, come Friday, I had had enough of. Well, at least my feet had enough of the lateral torsion caused by hiking on lumpy ice and slush.

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The First Day (2026 Edition)

As has been my norm for a number of years now, I was in bed at roughly 9 PM on New Year’s Eve. I get NOTHING out of New Year’s anymore, which is a shame, because that’s the night that Wifey and I met many years ago.

So, we kissed and hugged it out around 9, wished each other Happy New Year, and I was off to bed, with Wifey and Lola not far behind me.

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The Last Day (2025 Edition)

I slept in a bit on Wednesday, waiting for daylight, hoping to get some actual miles in my feetz, and pics on my SD card after days away from the woods due to a multi-day ice storm.

I headed out around 8 AM and was disappointed to come to the park gate and see roadblocks with CLOSED signs up due to the number of downed trees and the service roads being solid ice. “Well, I’ll be gahdamn!” I mumbled as I turned around in the entrance way, followed by, “I CANNOT BE STOPPED!!

No, I did’t go around the gates and help myself to the park after being asked not to, I’m not that big of a dick. I had Plan B already in my noggin.

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