Tag Archives | family stuff

Cold, Fat & Dirty

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For the past couple of weeks, winter has slowly been poking its frozen nose into mid-Michigan. Thankfully, there has been no long-term success. Successful or not, the past week was gray, cold and windy. Christ, I literally hadn’t seen the sun since late last Tuesday afternoon and it was so windy Friday that riding was made impossible, with winds gusting anywhere from 10 to 50+ MPH at times! I am pretty sure I saw a small child blow by the kitchen window at one point.

For the most part, the week was real warm bath and razor blade type weather, and the two days I was able to ride, it took every ounce of mental will power I had to force my jiggling muffin top out the door for a ride. It’s not that conditions were THAT bad, it’s that I am that mentally weak and apathetic.

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Scary OK

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After Friday’s sandy slug-fest aboard the Farley, I spent Saturday being a soccer dad and then later hanging out with Wifey watching bad TV and drinking a few beers. On Sunday I did the whole soccer dad thing all over again, but afterwards headed up to MMCC for a lap on the Superfly.

There is nothing quite like spending a week riding a fat bike then switching to a carbon, full suspension race bike. It felt really, darn OK and it was great to get out and enjoy a semi-warm and sunny fall Michigan day, especially since I think it’s supposed to be nasty all this week. Great.

The only downfall to the ride was seeing one section of trail done up with ghosts, gravestones and other Halloween type accoutrements as the college readies for the “haunted trail” thing they do every fall for kids. Nothing against Halloween, I just hate seeing the stuff ’cause it reminds me that the Tri-Fecta of Misery that is Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years will soon be here, followed by four to six months of cold, dark, Hoth-like weather (depending on what Ma Nature decides for Michigan in Winter 2014/15). Sigh.

Hoping, praying, and crying into my pillow that having a worth-while fat bike to ride and race will help ease the pain of the coming winter… well, that booze, antidepressants and if I can get my hands on some; horse tranquilizers.

Speaking of racing and the coming winter, the Northern Michigan Fat Bike Series Festival of Lights race at Timber Ridge on December 21st will MOST likely be my first fat race of the season. Still have to see what races Fun Promotions does this year and weigh the options (distance, price, etc.,). Not matter the event, after a season of little riding and racing I sure to put on one hell of a frozen shit show. Stay tuned for all that.

Riding may be sparse this week, so blogging will be too [collective groans now heard internet-wide].

Later.

I Feel Wham!

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It’s been some time since my last post. I figured it was best not to post since the weather has been windy, rainy and crap-tastic, I haven’t been riding and I’ve been taking the Black Dog for a long, LONG walk of late. People barely want to read about an old, fat dude riding his bike, let alone read about an old, fat, depressed dude NOT riding his bike. Sigh (drink)… Those days are now sort of, almost, not quite behind me now, and I have moved on (sort of) by getting a new bike that I have no right to have really got (Is that right? It doesn’t sound right… gotten?..purchased?… fuck it, we all know I’m an ass hat).

Thanks to selling some shit, a generous Wifey and the amazing bare assed folks (don’t ask) at Terry’s Cycle in beautiful downtown Alma, Michigan, my winter racing and riding plans are now as solid as a post-Golden Corral buffet bowel movement: KAPLUNK!!! Yep, today I took delivery of the very black and very anodized Trek Farley 6. It’s sort of like Jay Z and Wham! guest starring on Drop Dead Diva. I have to say, I am pretty darn, nonplussed about it.

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Finally Back At It

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After six days off the bike due to illness and a quick weekend get-a-way to Chicago with my family unit, I was FINALLY back on the bike today. If you’re reading this blog you most likely ride bikes, OR you got here Googling photos to satisfy some bizarre, crap covered chamois fetish you have. You disgust me! Welcome to the blog.

No matter how you got here, bike ridin’ type folk know that time off the bike sucks, and that it sucks even more when you’re off the bike due to coughing up snot and sludge for five days. Most will also know that the first ride back from such a break simultaneously rocks and sucks.

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A Lack of Crush

This week has really lived up to the anti-hype. I’ve been sick since Monday and got out for just ONE short ride on Tuesday before things really went south. As of this morning (Friday) I am slightly better (from shitty to crappy, nudging my way slowly towards poopy) but with no ride planned. Oh well, it’s a head/chest cold, it will pass… or I will, either way it’s a win.

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When Two Became Three

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My plan to take a couple days off the bike for family stuff and to rest a slightly sore knee has rapidly turned into three days off the bike after coming down with an illness of some sort on Sunday. I woke up yesterday a bit achy, rocking a cough, a raspy throat and little to no desire to ride. That illness and apathy carried over to today and was compounded by a depressing, cold drizzle most of the day.

The weather is suppose to be better tomorrow, so I am hopeful that medicating, resting and hydrating today will allow me to head north and roll some fatties on wet and sandy ORV and snowmobile trails for a few hours, or at very least get out on the mud bog dirt roads outside of town.

I could blather on about some sort of bike crap, but I’m opting to turn in early instead.

Photo: Soiled Chamois file photo from an ORV road fat bike ride early this summer (or is it “last summer” now?).

Trying Out New Habits

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Old habits are hard to break; like limiting myself to riding during daytime hours since I left my (cash paying) job in March of 2009. I mentioned this a couple of weeks ago, but it’s funny how true it really is and what other habits–good and bad–have come to replace a post-work ride on a weekday evening.

Let me say, this blog post was NOT supposed to be this long, it was just supposed to be a few photos from last night’s ride, but then I got thinking, wandered more than a bit off track and found myself “on the couch.” The short story is that I had a great ride on Wednesday evening (as illustrated above), the long story below is to be filed under Too Much Information or Never Has So Much Thought Gone Into Deciding To Go For a Fucking Ride. I don’t encourage you to read on, but do so if you wish.

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My Cycling Metamorphosis

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Lately I’ve been thinking about the magical metamorphosis that took place when cycling went from being a hobby for me to lose weight and stay in shape to something that–in many ways–defines me as a person today.

Some Background

As a kid, the extent of my bike riding was rolling around town on my black and yellow Mongoose BMX bike wishing I had the skills, speed and balls to race BMX with my friends Scott and John. The bike was cool, with sweet yellow mag wheels, checkered bar and stem pads and even though I never did race the bike, I rode around with a number plate on it. I was #4, paying tribute to then Pittsburgh Pirate shortstop turned coke-head Dale Berra. A tribute paid only after buying the #4 decal and being asked why the hell I was #4. If eleven year old kids called each other poseurs back in 1982, I would have surely been called one, and deservedly so.

After the BMX days, I sold my bike, stopped playing soccer, stopped playing baseball and turned all my attention to my new hobby; eating. Through my teens and very early twenties, I ate myself to a robust, ruddy cheeked, lonely and depressed 300 pounds. It wasn’t until I was on the brink of exceeding the maximum girth of my size 42 pants and lacked the funds to make the move up to 44s, that I finally did something about my weight (it seems it’s cheaper to lose weight than buy new clothes).

After years of saying I was going to “diet,” I finally just changed my lifestyle. I no longer attempted to starve myself, try diet pills or Slim-Fast shakes. For the first time in my life I started eating healthier foods, cut out between meal snacking (which were actually between meal meals) and started exercising, and IT WORKED!

Keep in mind, that at 300 pounds, my “exercising” consisted of long walks seeking out the biggest hills in town while listening to my Walkman, and that when you go from doing nothing to doing something, things will start to change; regardless, I was stoked to see the pounds start to come off. Then one day while sitting in my room listening to sad bastard music and flipping though a magazine I saw an ad for a mountain bike. It looked cool as hell and on top of that I remembered that this really hot girl I had gone to art school with had one. Cool looking bike… hot girl rides one…. OH, I’M GETTING ONE!

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