We are currently void of snow here in the mid mitten, however we are sadly not void of cold ass temperatures. I can’t make up my mind if I am happy about that or not. On one hand, it is nice to go out and roll the El Mariachi on dusty, hard pack dirt roads, but since the temperatures are only in the mid-twenties (or worse) when I ride, I have to dress in all the same layers of winter clothing to do so… so, I might as well ride the Farley on snow pack. You dig?
Anyone who has ever come within three feet of me or this blog knows that I hate winter. I’m not happy about it, but there’s nothing I can do about it, so I have learned to embrace it. However, that embrace is sort of like when you’re thirteen and one of your grandmother’s buxom friends decides that she wants, nay, NEEDS a hug upon meeting you. You’re not happy about it, but at some point during the embrace your realize that despite the woman’s advanced years, caked on makeup, wrinkles, eye watering perfume and ongoing fight with gravity, her extremely large, round boobs ARE indeed pressing into your chest. Sadly, no matter how hard your try, you end up using that bit later whilst in private*. You’re not happy about it, but there’s nothing you can do about it. Riding in the winter is my touchy/feely big boob hug.
Up until today, the week has not gone according to plan as far as doing stuff. Monday is always a crapshoot on whether I can get out and this Monday didn’t really cooperate, it was the crap part of the crapshoot. On Tuesday we got hit with some lake effect snow and strong winds so I thought it best to stay off the roads with visibility so low. It wasn’t nearly as bad as it was west of Mt. Peezy but it snowing and blowing hard nonetheless.
Make no mistake about it, I hate winter. I hate the grey skies, the ice, slush, snow and cold, damn I hate the cold! And don’t even get me started on the ball suck holidays like Christmas and New Years that are thrown into the winter mix; I hate it all. BUT, winter is indeed here and the snow that has been coming down the past couple of days was a sure indication of that. When I woke up this morning and saw that snow that was covering the roads and ground I thought today just might be perfect for getting out on the dirt roads for a ride. I was only half right, which is only slightly better than being half wrong.
As I rode today I tried figuring out how I would describe our current weather. Fall has pretty much come, colorfully shit the bed, changed the sheets and left, but it’s not exactly winter now either… or is it?
I often use the phrase “doing stuff” here on the blog, for those who don’t know, that’s my code for working out or riding my bike. Some folks call it training, and there was a time when I too called it that too, but since my days spent unsuccessfully racing my bike are all but over–save for a few races here and there–I just like to say doing stuff.
With that unneeded explanation out of the way, last week I got in some above average hours of doing stuff; roughly seven hours spent rambling around Michiganderburgh dirt roads on the Farley (that doubles as strength training) and two hours of sweating as I lumbered like a handicapped oxen on the treadmill. Along with that I have embraced my old diet ways of eating low fat and clean during the week and doing as best I can on the weekends. ‘Cause really, if I can’t have beers and maybe some pizza on the weekend, what the hell is life good for? Wow, I’m off track… Anyway, I had a good week, I was feeling good and after taking Sunday off, I hoped to pick back up again on Monday; I didn’t.
As I mentioned the other day, I would not be joining my friends, and 2.5 million other riders, to race in the cold and mud of the Iceman on Saturday up in Traverse City, but I did get another couple hours of gobsmacking dirt road riding in on Friday.
For the past couple of weeks, winter has slowly been poking its frozen nose into mid-Michigan. Thankfully, there has been no long-term success. Successful or not, the past week was gray, cold and windy. Christ, I literally hadn’t seen the sun since late last Tuesday afternoon and it was so windy Friday that riding was made impossible, with winds gusting anywhere from 10 to 50+ MPH at times! I am pretty sure I saw a small child blow by the kitchen window at one point.
For the most part, the week was real warm bath and razor blade type weather, and the two days I was able to ride, it took every ounce of mental will power I had to force my jiggling muffin top out the door for a ride. It’s not that conditions were THAT bad, it’s that I am that mentally weak and apathetic.
The following is a Soiled Chamois “Halloween Special,” a slightly updated photo gallery/article that originally published in XXC Magazine No. 15. Some photos may be disturbing, reader discretion is advised.
I once again found the will to get out into the various shades of gray and fecal brown that make up the landscape of a late fall in Michigan to ride my bike for a bit. Today was pretty much the same sort of day as yesterday, except I went a mile or two longer and did a slightly different loop. A good loop, with some nice punchy climbs on loose sand and gravel, but sadly, it was a short loop.
I blathered at length yesterday about the Michigan gray and forcing myself to ride my bike when I would have rather been holed up in bed, snuggled up to the warm, ample bosoms of a red-headed Jezebel and an IV hooked up to a bottle of gin, so I will avoid doing so again today and just post some pics. The photos–like the cattle pic above–pretty much sum up any ride I do on the dirt roads around Michiganderburgh and what I encounter on my rides.
