On the first day of our current deep freeze, I headed down to the Not So Stankment to lumber on the treadmill for 3 miles.
Posts Tagged → being a michigander-burgher-ite
Getting Miles, Using Deer
Our flirtation with sunlight ended, and we were back to steady snow and winter slop today. Slop that wasn’t due to hit until mid-morning, and slop that I had hoped to avoid driving in by getting to the trails early. But it turns out the weather goofs were wrong, and a steady wet snow fell for nearly the entire lumber. Such is life, whatever.
Like Eating A Mango
I find myself shocked at how “back to normal” I finally feel after the last month of holidays, snow, ice storms, and unwanted slack. To quote the great George Costanza after he ate that magic, penis-moving mango, “I’m back, baby! I’m back!” Well, maybe not that good.
Lumbering and Clumping
TUESDAY
With my rediscovered motivation via the not-so-subtle art of self-fat shaming, I was back on the trails Tuesday for another lumber in the snow.
The additional snow that fell over the weekend had turned softer, and while not that difficult to walk in, it was mildly irritating when I suffered from the age-old problem of wet clumps of snow forming within the chains of my microspikes. One minute I’m walking along fine, the next minute it’s like walking on high heels made of snowballs.
With that, I had to make some adjustments to my gaiter straps, the main culprit of the clumping. The “clumprit” if you will (sorry). And during this adjustment at the .50 mile mark, I realized that my Garmin had accidentally paused right after I started. Thankfully, after thousands of miles on these trails, I knew that I was indeed at mile .50 and was able to make the correction when I got home. It took my dim bulb of a brain a little while to process the mismatched mile-math along the way, but somehow I survived.
Shameful Motivation
After Saturday morning’s loud clackity-clack-clack of a lumber on the still icy trails, and the remaining weekend filled with slack, sloth, and existential outdoor fitness ennui, on Monday, I found myself hurling Escape II down the road towards the trails and another lumber.
Saturday afternoon, we got around 2″ of wet snow, and it turns out it was just enough to cover the ice and allow for more grip, less ass cleching, and way less ice-crunching noise. Yes!
Opting For Slack, Clean Showers
The week started with two days of indoor lumbering/running (not affiliated with the 2026 Soiled and Ignorant Tour), and was followed by two days and 8 miles on trails covered with solid ice, slush, and standing water. Which, come Friday, I had had enough of. Well, at least my feet had enough of the lateral torsion caused by hiking on lumpy ice and slush.
Lumbering Through The Melt
We sort of lucked out on Tuesday when the predicted day of ice and sleet ended up being a day of rain, on top of 3 or 4 inches of remaining snow and ice. This made for some Grade-A winter slop. It also forced me to retreat to the Not-So-Stankment to bust out another 3 miles of intervals on the treadmill, leaving some Grade-A sweat and uncontrollable projectile body fluids in my wake.
After two days and six miles of running intervals, I was determined to get into the woods on Wednesday for some miles and pics.
I was up early as per usual, got my gear together, and then proceeded to do some laundry and make Wifey breakfast as I waited for daylight to make an appearance.
Making Choices, Avoiding SAD Naps
Since I traded bikes for hiking shoes, I have mentally survived the winter months way better than before. Along with losing the anxiety of smashing my blood-thinned body on the ice (again), proper equipment—much of it left over my from cycling days—for the long winter has helped a ton; proper jacket, base layers, GORE-TEX shoes, gaiters, trekking poles, micro spikes, and snowshoes, if necessary, have all made venturing out into the snow and ice more tolerable and downright fun at times.
The Last Day (2025 Edition)
I slept in a bit on Wednesday, waiting for daylight, hoping to get some actual miles in my feetz, and pics on my SD card after days away from the woods due to a multi-day ice storm.
I headed out around 8 AM and was disappointed to come to the park gate and see roadblocks with CLOSED signs up due to the number of downed trees and the service roads being solid ice. “Well, I’ll be gahdamn!” I mumbled as I turned around in the entrance way, followed by, “I CANNOT BE STOPPED!!
No, I did’t go around the gates and help myself to the park after being asked not to, I’m not that big of a dick. I had Plan B already in my noggin.
Still Not Back
Out of The Woods, Day 7
The freezing rain and winds have finally diminished, and in their wake have left numerous trees down and some side roads (including our street) a snow and ice-packed mess.
Since I try not to be too big of a self-serving outdoor prick, I figured I would stay out of the woods another day to give the park workers a chance to clear the downed trees and the mess that the storm left behind. I don’t think they need a fat hiker with a camera getting in their way.
With that, I was in the Not So Stankment for another 3 miles of intervals.
My plan was just to do a long-ish lumber, but once I got warmed up, that seemed stupid, and a real mental nut kick, so I turned up some old DJ mixes on Soundcloud and got to the intervals.
There was much sweat, and the realization that staring straight into a replay of an EFL Championship match is NOT a proper replacement for woods and critters. And despite the music making want to attempt to twerk whilst running, thumping bass and breakbeats are no replacement for birds chirping or the babbling of the running river.
This is my second 3-mile interval session in four days, and while I am not a fan, it has helped keep me relatively sane and once again has me wanting to get back to trail running again. Well, at least my Fat But Fit version of trail running that involves plenty of gasping, winded cries of “fuck, oh fuck,” and flirtations with hurling myself onto the trail in a heap of pain.
Trail running (or a shambolic, belly-heaving jog in the woods) is always a great reminder to me that I DON’T RUN! But it also serves as a strange on/off-again goal that has frustrated me for years, yet still has me longing to do it consistently. I might not ever say I DO RUN! But I’d be stoked with I CAN RUN! I just choose when I want to do it.
Later.