Archive | Cat 5 Cooking

The Soiled Burger Project 01

By soiledchamois on June 10, 2014 in Cat 5 Cooking

julesandburger

So far this summer I have been struggling with my grilled hamburger skills. I’ve scoured the internet, flipped through magazines and even busted out some cookbooks looking for ideas, but so far, so not good. Everything has just been a bit bland. Hell, Wifey even recently declared that she’s “off burgers,” as she took a swig of Jack and threw the plate containing the half eaten burger against the wall, forcing me to tears (I made that up, Wifey doesn’t drink whiskey).

However, I am putting my early summer grill failures behind me and getting balls deep into trying to make a better, tastier hamburger all on my own (yes, I am aware that the use of the term “balls deep” may not be the way to start off a blog post about food. Sorry, it just worked).

Since my evening dinners will be void of grilled burgers until Wifey deems her palette ready for another go, I am resigned to working on building a better burger for my lunches. So after my ride today I set about making burger 01 of the Soiled Burger Project, an ongoing Cat 5 Cooking summer series devoted to my attempts to make what I believe is a better burger (welcome to the world of the unemployed). Your taste buds may differ, and yes, I am aware that referring to any food as “soiled” is not all that appetizing, I think we’ll all be OK…

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Crush Pasta III

By soiledchamois on June 5, 2014 in Cat 5 Cooking

pastacrushers

The gun people have the NRA in their corner defending their right to blow big holes in things. Cigarettes have the tobacco industry and all those old smokers trying to look hip on ventilators in their corner. Sugar, which has come to be blamed for everything from childhood obesity, to Obamacare, to erectile dysfunction, has nearly the entire American food industry in its corner. And pasta? Well, pasta has me to champion how freaking good it is when eaten in moderation (although I prefer not to) and prepared with love (Note: please make a rainbow arc with your hands as you read the word love).

Pasta can warm the cockles of even the most staunch carb hater. Yeah, I’m looking at the Atkins people with their three meals a day of cheese & bacon but can’t walk up a flight of stairs and the ninety-nine dollars a pound, grass-fed, Cross-Fit doing, high horse riding Paleo people! Go ahead, hate on pasta! I’ll still be here eating it and loving it along with millions of Italians, the state of New Jersey and that hot Italian cook with the giant head on the Food Network. We be tight.

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Soiled Balls

By soiledchamois on April 11, 2014 in Cat 5 Cooking

You might think that this is yet another installment of the super unpopular blog post series Crush Pasta (see Crush Pasta I and II), and it very well could be, but it’s not. This one’s about balls, as in meatballs.

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Soiled Chamois Rice & Beans

By soiledchamois on March 31, 2014 in Cat 5 Cooking

simplesausgerice

It’s sort of funny [not really] that nearly all of my favorite meals look like something that was scraped off the piss smelling coat of a bum passed out in an alley after three bottles of Wild Irish Rose and a “found” half eaten gas station burrito. Funny or not [mostly not], any combination of brown rice, meat, beans, peppers, onions and a bit of cheese usually results in me being fully satisfied in the gut (and more than a tad gassy).

Tonight’s rice & beans was based on what Bon Appétit magazine calls the “hottest trend to come out of American kitchens since the kale-splosion of 2012.” Tex-Mex-Cajun-Italian Fusion.

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When In Doubt: Pinch a Loaf

By soiledchamois on March 24, 2014 in Cat 5 Cooking

The past two days have been less than fun: more ongoing frigid winter temps, a tooth filling that may need worked on for a 3rd time (probably needing a root canal), a dead battery in Wifey’s clown car (due to a certain ginger haired 10-year-old leaving the door ajar overnight) and an ongoing battle with my thoughtless neighbors over their two big ass dogs that they leave out in their yard for hours at a time to relentlessly bark as if the rest of the neighborhood REALLY enjoys hearing them bark at anyone, everything, anything everyone! Yeah, I know this all minor shit, but the minor shit is adding up and I’m letting it get to me. I need spring!! (REAL spring).

With all the dead battery drama this morning I missed out on a ride (not that I felt like riding in 15 degree temps), missed my time window for going to the gym and I had NOOOOOOO desire what-so-ever to ride the trainer. So I did what any red-blooded, stressed-out, depressed, American male who doesn’t have a real job to go to would do; I baked bread.

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Spinning & Feeling Kneady

By soiledchamois on March 2, 2014 in Cat 5 Cooking, Random

The stationary trainer is a strange beast. Hated by almost everyone and used by nearly as many, it allows for nothing but the vaguest feeling of actually riding your bike. In my opinion it’s WAY worse than running on a treadmill. Running sucks whether you are being chased by a gang of unruly thugs, doing a 5K, a marathon or on the treadmill at the gym… it just sucks. I respect and admire the folks who do it and enjoy it, but it sucks. When I do it, it hurts, it feels dumb and I ALWAYS think “this would be SO much better if I was on my bike.”

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More Man on Spud Love

By soiledchamois on February 1, 2014 in Cat 5 Cooking

soilepostsII

A while back, I blathered on about stopping all the Paleo diet inspired, Sugar Nazi hate on the potato, and in the process shared my Soiled Hash Browns (they taste better than they sound, trust me). They were good, but require a lot of skillet watching. So for lunch today I made up a “roasted” version that was way easier. Check out the potato loving easiness of my Soiled Roasted Potatoes & Vegetables…

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Crush Pasta II, I Like The Translation

By soiledchamois on December 18, 2013 in Cat 5 Cooking, Food & Drink

spagEAT_motta

This morning I found the above photo of Gianni Motta downing some pasta while racing, and I have to say it makes the perfect intro photo for today’s Cat 5 Cooking post on Spaghetti alla Puttanesca.

Spaghetti alla Puttanesca translates into “whore’s spaghetti ” or what my favorite voluptuous, turned thin(ish) recreational drug using celebrity chef Nigella Lawson calls “Slut’s Spaghetti.” I’m not real sure why slut is better than whore, but I digress. When a dish translates into a combination of pasta and whorism* I’m all in.

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When In Doubt, Cook Up Chicken

By soiledchamois on December 6, 2013 in Cat 5 Cooking, Food & Drink

As you may or may not know, I hesitate to call my riding, time on the trainer and in the gym “training.” I suppose it sort of is, but I think of it more as “doing stuff” so as not to get even fatter… and an attempt to get back to just mildly embarrassing myself on the bike next season (oppose to completely embarrassing myself as I did in 2013). Having once again said that disclaimer of my slackness and douchery I can get to the post at hand…

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White Trash Soba Noodles & Peas

By soiledchamois on November 18, 2013 in Cat 5 Cooking, Food & Drink

I made this up in less than 10 minutes after the gym today. Some chicken or beef in it would have been nice, but for a quick lunch it was pretty OK. Then again, after last night’s meatloaf binge and 2 a.m. case of the meat sweats, I was just fine with meatless version. Who knew you could excrete ground beef and pork through your pores???

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