Posts Tagged → sorry attempts at humor

Weekend Nutshell

SATURDAY

I spent Saturday working at the shop. It was so busy that our 3 PM closing time came and I realized that I never even had a chance to take a bite of the sandwich I brought. At least the 5 hours went fast.

The day started out with me fixing a series of flat tires for folks (one of my few mechanical skills) but quickly morphed into me selling bikes. Yes, Mr. Not a People Person chatting and selling comfort bikes to folks. How I do it without the aid of drugs and alcohol is beyond me!

The shop’s 10 to 3 Saturday hours provided ample time for a post-work ride, but it was 92˚ by the time I left. Screw that, a ride can wait!

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An Alternate Plan

I woke up around 5 AM this morning to the sound of an absolute downpour. As much as our area of Michigan needs rain, I was less than happy to hear it coming down so hard and know that a morning dirt road ride was out of the question unless I wanted body and bike covered in sandy mud.

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Paradise Part IV

Note: This is a pseudo cycling blog. This post is not about cycling; it is about my recent trip to the U.P. with my family. It’s a long account written—as per usual—more for me than anyone else. The trip will be broken into four parts. The time betweenst each of these posts will be filled with my usual tales of crap rides, short hikes, “needs work” photos and bad writing.

Previous Paradise Chronicles:

Paradise Part I 

Paradise Part II

Paradise Part III

Thanks,

Management

Our last day in Paradise started very similarly to the day before: Wifey and I got up and went for an early hike and B slept until our return.

This time our hike was a 6-mile out and back hike that followed the banks of the Tahquamenon River west of town. It was during this hike that I started to feel like I bit off more than my back could chew in the hiking department. 15+ miles over our four days plus touristy walking around is more than my back is used to. Walking is so much better when it’s done in the saddle of a bike!

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Salvaging a Late Start

My back was killing me last night, and even after taking my nightly dose of ZZZQuil I still had the jimmy legs from too much caffeine through the day. As a result, I slept like shit and was in no mood to climb out of bed early today. Wifey was up around 6:45 for work and I usually follow her a few minutes later. That was not going to happen today.

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Insanity, Stats, & A Ride

I worked at the shop on Monday so of course I came home with a sore back, sore feet and peopled the hell out. As my grandmother always said: “It’s hell getting old.” And as I’ve always said: “I hate people.” I seriously don’t know how full-time shop employees do it without losing their minds and end up never wanting to ride their bike again.

It’s been said that 58.2% of all bike shop customers are insane. 39% of bike shop customers are calling or stopping in shops attempting to buy or obtain free things that have little to nothing at all to do with cycling. And 40% of all customers expect their bike repaired while they wait or by the next day during the busiest time of the year.

I could go into detail about some of the amaze-ball fucked up shit I’ve seen and heard recently, but that really wouldn’t be professional and would violate the Customer/Bike Shop Buffoon Confidentiality Act (C.B.S.B.C.A.) that was passed by a high-ranking, strong-armed, lawyered-up group of dealer/shop officials at Interbike 2007. So I’ll just move on. I will say that bike shops are top-notch weirdo magnets, much respect to those who own or work full-time in shops and have to deal with people every day. People are the worst… except for the good ones.

NOTE: The above statistics were recently cited in the article “What in the fuck made you open a bike shop?” which was published in the May 2018 issue of the National Journal of Bicycle Sales, Service, and Mental Illness1.

On to Tuesday…

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Paradise Part III

Note: This is a pseudo cycling blog. This post is not about cycling; it is about my recent trip to the U.P. with my family. It’s a long account written—as per usual—more for me than anyone else. The trip will be broken into four parts. The time betweenst each of these posts will be filled with my usual tales of crap rides, short hikes, “needs work” photos and bad writing.

Click HERE for Part I of the series and HERE for Part II.

Thanks,

Management

After two days of hiking in the wet woods battling bloodthirsty mosquitos, we promised B that he could sleep in and chill on Monday morning while Wifey and I went for a 4-mile hike on some trails right outside of town.

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Paradise Part II

Note: This is a pseudo cycling blog. This post is not about cycling; it is about my recent trip to the U.P. with my family. It’s a long account written—as per usual—more for me than anyone else. The trip will be broken into four parts. The time betweenst each of these posts will be filled with my usual tales of crap rides, short hikes, “needs work” photos and bad writing. 

Click here for Part I of the series.

Thanks,

Management

I rarely sleep well in motels, hotels, by the hour rooms, back alley cardboard boxes, cabins, tents, or car trunks. But for some unknown reason, I slept quite well in The World’s Smallest Two Bedroom Cabin™. It was refreshing to sleep so well, and that made getting up (reasonably) early on Sunday morning for our trip to the upper Tahquamenon Falls that much easier.

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After a Week

It took a while, a week to be exact, but I finally got back in the saddle. And it felt great.

After a day spent working at the shop on Thursday, I was up early on Friday to make Wifey breakfast before she left for work and to get some writing and photo editing done before I headed out for a ride north of the Cul-De-Sac-Shack.

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