Tag Archives | being a slacker

That Sort of Day

By soiledchamois on December 9, 2014 in Random

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Yesterday was my typical and not-so typical Monday. Typically, I was super busy with stuff through the day but oddly enough, in the evening I found myself out at a local watering hole with a couple of friends. Believe me, that is NOT a typical Monday evening for me, but Wifey was throwing a “welcome party” (I had to Google that) for a woman she works with that just adopted a little boy and wanted me out of house, as was going to be overrun with lady folk, and she was pretty sure I would just sit around farting and burping while they were here. As luck would have it, a couple of my college teaching friends were up for going out since their students are doing nothing but taking finals right now and they can goof off a bit.

So, I was able to waste a couple of hours, catch up with some friends and drink a few good beers on Monday night. An unusual Monday night for me, but fun nonetheless.

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Winter, The Buxom Hug

By soiledchamois on November 21, 2014 in Cycling

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Anyone who has ever come within three feet of me or this blog knows that I hate winter. I’m not happy about it, but there’s nothing I can do about it, so I have learned to embrace it. However, that embrace is sort of like when you’re thirteen and one of your grandmother’s buxom friends decides that she wants, nay, NEEDS a hug upon meeting you. You’re not happy about it, but at some point during the embrace your realize that despite the woman’s advanced years, caked on makeup, wrinkles, eye watering perfume and ongoing fight with gravity, her extremely large, round boobs ARE indeed pressing into your chest. Sadly, no matter how hard your try, you end up using that bit later whilst in private*. You’re not happy about it, but there’s nothing you can do about it. Riding in the winter is my touchy/feely big boob hug.

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Doing Stuff in the Gray

By soiledchamois on November 11, 2014 in Cycling

I often use the phrase “doing stuff” here on the blog, for those who don’t know, that’s my code for working out or riding my bike. Some folks call it training, and there was a time when I too called it that too, but since my days spent unsuccessfully racing my bike are all but over–save for a few races here and there–I just like to say doing stuff.

With that unneeded explanation out of the way, last week I got in some above average hours of doing stuff; roughly seven hours spent rambling around Michiganderburgh dirt roads on the Farley (that doubles as strength training) and two hours of sweating as I lumbered like a handicapped oxen on the treadmill. Along with that I have embraced my old diet ways of eating low fat and clean during the week and doing as best I can on the weekends. ‘Cause really, if I can’t have beers and maybe some pizza on the weekend, what the hell is life good for? Wow, I’m off track… Anyway, I had a good week, I was feeling good and after taking Sunday off, I hoped to pick back up again on Monday; I didn’t.

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We are all Individuals!

By soiledchamois on November 6, 2014 in Cycling

We are all individuals! But are we allowed to be?

Lately I have been thinking a lot about individuality and its place within cycling and bike racing. It’s a strange beast, especially for someone like myself, who more often than not, feels like he just doesn’t belong to any real part of cycling culture. That’s OK, I mean I’m talking about cycling, if one wants to “fit in,” there are plenty of other hobbies and lifestyles to choose from in modern-day society.

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Gobsmacked

By soiledchamois on November 6, 2014 in Cycling

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The dictionary dictators amongst others define the word gobsmacked the following way…

gob·smacked

1 ˈɡäbˌsmakt/
adjective BRITISH informal
adjective: gobsmacked
utterly astonished; astounded.
With reference to being shocked by a blow to the mouth, or to clapping a hand to one’s mouth in astonishment.

Not me, while I have no doubt that is the correct definition, I would amend it to include a second:

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Cold, Fat & Dirty

By soiledchamois on November 2, 2014 in Cycling

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For the past couple of weeks, winter has slowly been poking its frozen nose into mid-Michigan. Thankfully, there has been no long-term success. Successful or not, the past week was gray, cold and windy. Christ, I literally hadn’t seen the sun since late last Tuesday afternoon and it was so windy Friday that riding was made impossible, with winds gusting anywhere from 10 to 50+ MPH at times! I am pretty sure I saw a small child blow by the kitchen window at one point.

For the most part, the week was real warm bath and razor blade type weather, and the two days I was able to ride, it took every ounce of mental will power I had to force my jiggling muffin top out the door for a ride. It’s not that conditions were THAT bad, it’s that I am that mentally weak and apathetic.

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The Quick & The Slow

By soiledchamois on October 29, 2014 in Cycling

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Some days time restraints, responsibilities and real life issues demand that a ride be short and to the point. And some days it’s just an overwhelming desire to be out in the chilly, depressing, gray, misty fall air for as little time as possible. Today was a mixture of both those things.

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A/V Tuesday

By soiledchamois on October 28, 2014 in Random

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My planned mountain bike ride with a buddy of mine got rained out by storms this morning. I was not real thrilled with that turn of events, and spent my morning drinking coffee, perusing the interweb-o-sephere and “acting like a caged animal” according to Wifey who was working at home today and apparently none to thrilled to have me pacing around, growling in my coffee about not riding.

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I Feel Wham!

By soiledchamois on October 3, 2014 in Cycling

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It’s been some time since my last post. I figured it was best not to post since the weather has been windy, rainy and crap-tastic, I haven’t been riding and I’ve been taking the Black Dog for a long, LONG walk of late. People barely want to read about an old, fat dude riding his bike, let alone read about an old, fat, depressed dude NOT riding his bike. Sigh (drink)… Those days are now sort of, almost, not quite behind me now, and I have moved on (sort of) by getting a new bike that I have no right to have really got (Is that right? It doesn’t sound right… gotten?..purchased?… fuck it, we all know I’m an ass hat).

Thanks to selling some shit, a generous Wifey and the amazing bare assed folks (don’t ask) at Terry’s Cycle in beautiful downtown Alma, Michigan, my winter racing and riding plans are now as solid as a post-Golden Corral buffet bowel movement: KAPLUNK!!! Yep, today I took delivery of the very black and very anodized Trek Farley 6. It’s sort of like Jay Z and Wham! guest starring on Drop Dead Diva. I have to say, I am pretty darn, nonplussed about it.

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Not So White

By soiledchamois on September 24, 2014 in Cat 5 Cooking

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It’s been a while since I’ve been mentally challenged enough to bore you with talk about food and my Cat 5 Cooking, which is my less than witty way of saying that I’m a cyclist who likes to cook; mostly foods that are white trash, bastardizations of proper foods. Case in point, Wednesday’s vat of Not So White Soiled Chamois Chili.

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